* The Liberal Finance Critic, criticizing Harper for suspending parliament to prevent getting kicked out over his initial bailout refusal: “Mr. Harper locked Parliament’s door, delaying action for Canadian families, solely so he can save his own job. Mr. Harper has walked off the job, instead of working to protect Canadian jobs.” (In the event that Harper fails in “working to protect” meaningless rhetoric, Libs have that covered.)

* Liberal Leader, Stephane Dion (recently ousted by his own party for appearances’ sake), begging the Queen of England’s representative in Canada to let him become Prime Minister: “A month without a government that commands the confidence of the House is too long during these times of economic turmoil. Who can predict what urgent intervention by the government will be required?” (Yes, what ever would the free-market do if the government isn’t around to urgently intervene? It might actually function properly.)

*The Liberal House Leader, informing Canadians that the man they just elected Prime Minister is “completely out of touch” with them: “While Stephen Harper wants to keep Canadians and the world in the dark, the Liberals are putting partisan politics aside and working with the other parties to create a plan to put our economy and Canadians first.” (And by “a plan to put our economy and Canadians first,” we mean that we have “a plan to get back to our rightful seats at the trough.” And it involves stealing an election we lost. Also, attention world: If you’re wondering why you’re “in the dark”, blame Canadian PM Stephen Harper.)

* The Liberal House Leader, again: “At a time when every other Western industrialized nation is moving forward with packages to stimulate their economies, all the prime minister has brought to the table is ideological cuts and attacks on the rights of Canadians – nothing to help our economy.” (For example, Harper made cuts to the “Status of Women” office and forced some useless feminazis to find productive employment. Sounds like a sound economic plan to me.)

Gems like these make it obvious that if Harper thinks he has succeeded in quelling the Liberal noise machine simply by paying lip service to their bailout demands, he’s wrong. He is still going to hear about how he isn’t giving out enough treats, and how the auto bailout dispensed hard-earned taxpayer cash to certain select industries. And you know how Liberals fix that, right? By giving some to everyone else!

So where are the bailout critics in Canada? You’d be hard-pressed to find them. First, the Canadian media is rife with leftists and gutless wonders whose spines could be covered with a piece of dental floss. And party politicians in Canada are not free agents like they are in America. Each party has a position called the “whip”, whose job is to keep party politicians in line. If you speak out of turn or against the Prime Minister, you risk getting demoted (backbenched), losing your portfolio, or even being kicked out of the party altogether.

The burden falls largely on me to take the Canadian Prime Minster out to the woodshed every so often. That’s alright – I could tell from his bailout announcement that he likes it rough.