This problem should be remedied with a special email from the WRC to all gay men on campus. It should begin with a more inclusive greeting such as: “Greetings (offensive term deleted) Lovers.”

2. Good-Looking and Promiscuous Heterosexual Women. These women are clearly part of a protected class. I know this because the WRC is always giving these women condoms (Author’s Note: The WRC makes condoms available to all women but the better looking ones are more likely to accept the offer. This is assumed to be a function of their awareness that they are more likely to have sex than other, less attractive women). They also set up display booths showing them how to put the condoms on a cucumber (Another Author’ Note: This is sometimes done in front of grade school children who a) happen to be visiting campus, and b) happen to have parents who fail to warn them to stay away from feminists holding vegetables).

Obviously, women who are attractive and easy are less inclined to go home alone and engage in self-stimulation. In other words, there is no real evidence that they are, in fact, vagina lovers. And, clearly, by failing to address these women properly, the university is engaging in look-ism. And since sleeping around is just another type of orientation to sex, the university is discriminating on the basis of sexual orientation.

This problem should be remedied with a special email from the WRC to all attractive and easy women on campus. It should begin with a more inclusive greeting such as: “Greetings (offensive term deleted) Lovers.”

3. Women Contemplating Sex Changes. There can be little doubt that these soon-to-be-ex-women are part of a protected class in our society (Just look at all the bathroom doors on college campuses that are adorned with question marks). Nor can there be much doubt that these women hate their vaginas. Hence, the desire for surgery. Clearly, by failing to address these women properly, the university is engaging in discrimination on the basis of gender identity.

This problem should be remedied with a special email from the WRC to all of the campus women contemplating sex changes. It should begin with a more inclusive greeting such as: “Greetings (offensive term deleted) Seekers.”

Whether you are a gay man, an attractive ho, or a future ex-woman, please write to Melissa Ennis to share your concerns. And, please, forward any response that you get. I’m looking forward to participating in The Vagina Dialogues.