Comment: This isn't political science, this is politics. 

Suggestion: And we know we cannot provide these things on our own. It takes a village. It takes each of us contributing together to build our national village.

9. — That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness.

Comment: Wow. Just ... wow.

Suggestion: But to do that, we need to look forward with hope and bring about change.

10. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes;

Comment: Delete.

11. and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed.

Comment: That made my head hurt. Why not just talk about boiling the frog again? That's the basic idea, right?

Suggestion: Because we know that if you drop a frog in a pot of boiling water, he will jump out. But if you put him in cool water, and slowly heat it, you can boil him.

12. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security.

Comment: Huh?

Suggestion: And right now, we are all frogs sitting in boiling water. And we need to jump out with hope and dreams and reach for the change we need. This is for the future. This is for the children. This is for the planet itself.

I'm not reading any further. What you have written is way too long, too speechy, and too fundy-christiany.

In glancing over the rest, it seems you've listed several dozen policy disputes. That's the wrong approach. Don't forget all the single-issue voters out there. You don't want to scare off a possible supporter based on one political difference. The more policy positions you take, the greater this risk.

Remember the KISS principle: Keep it simple, stupid. Don't do anything to stop the voter from feeling that your candidate agrees with him. Elections aren't about policies, they're about feeling safe and happy.

Oh, and don't forget to end with "Sí, se puede! Yes, we can!" The focus groups are eating that up right now.