• If you bitterly love your guns, Jesus, apple pie, deer hunting, blonde-haired, blue-eyed girls, baseball, Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter, then you might be a redneck.

• If you believe Barney Frank is more of a Barney and less of a Frank, then you might be a redneck.

• If you don’t like your baby’s first grade class being bussed in to attend their lesbian teacher’s wedding, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think your lazy-eyed, evil half sister Erlene, the one with Tourette’s, is more fair and balanced than the mainstream media even on Saturday nights when she is all liquored up, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think the Fairness Doctrine is the beginning of the end of free speech, then you might be a redneck.

• If you think terrorists should be bombed into oblivion versus chatted with over tea and a smoldering hookah, then you might be a redneck.

• If you equate “progressives” with the two Dutch weirdoes who bought the farm next door to yours and blast Boy George music from their house, have bizarre barn dances on the weekends and keep stealing your young female sheep, then you might be a redneck.

• If you don’t like it when two-year-olds, corpses, house pets, Disney Characters and child molesters get to vote (and vote often), then you might be a redneck.

• If you get teary eyed when you hear the Star Spangled Banner and proud when you see our soldiers, then you might be a redneck.

• If you mutter curse words under your breath when you see a hippie wearing a Che Guevara T-Shirt, then you might be a redneck.

If the above makes me a redneck, then man am I glad not to be equated with the walking sea cow that is John Murtha and his icky ilk.

I hope and pray to the Redneck God in heaven that all the bitter and clingy God, gun and USA loving voters will remember when they go to the polls this November 4th (before the liberals vote on November 5th) how zealously, consistently and mercilessly the lunatic left disparages them at every turn and will, therefore, cast their “redneck” ballot for the McCain and Palin ticket.