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Tipsheet

'Stick That Up Their Fact-Checker': Sen. John Kennedy Shares More Trademark Truths

Republican U.S. Senator John Kennedy of Louisiana brought the "unadorned, unvarnished truth" about America to CPAC on Thursday afternoon, emphasizing that we cannot order society, survive, or thrive as human beings without truth.

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"It is important to speak your mind, so I do," Kennedy explained. "That makes some people mad," he acknowledged, adding "I try not to worry too much about what anyone thinks of me, except dogs. I really like dogs," Kennedy said.

In the nation's capital, Kennedy said "common sense is illegal," before pondering "how some people in Washington, D.C., actually made it through the birth canal."

According to Kennedy, Americans are "governed by deeply weird, nauseously woke people who hate George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, Dr. Seuss and Mr. Potato Head; who hyperventilate on their yoga mats if you use the wrong pronoun; who think kids should be able to change their gender at recess; who carry around Ziploc bags of kale to give them energy; who think they are better than us."

"By the way, to me, kale tastes like I'd rather be fat," Kennedy added. 

Emphasizing the accomplishments of Republicans during the Trump years, Kennedy reminded that GOP leaders "cut taxes, increased wages, delivered 3.5 percent unemployment, created eight million new jobs, deregulated the economy" and "confirmed 234 conservative federal judges including three new members of the United States Supreme Court."

"By God, we can do it again," Kennedy said optimistically before providing his trademark harsh-but-fair evaluation of President Biden and his administration.

"The truth is, I do not hate anyone," Kennedy noted. "I look for grace wherever I can find it, so I say this gently: the Biden administration sucks."

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Citing "COVID, the economy, inflation, the national debt, the border, crime, cancel culture, treating parents like domestic terrorists, Afghanistan, our energy independence now lost," Kennedy called President Biden "spectacularly awful."

"If you put President Biden in charge of the Sahara Desert, he would run out of sand," the Louisiana Republican quipped. "If the aliens landed in Washington, D.C., tomorrow and said 'take me to your leader,' it would be embarrassing." 

Senator Kennedy than ticked off a list of other truths that have apparently become foreign to the Biden administration and Democrats:

  • "If you worked hard and earned it, you should get to keep most of it." 
  • "All life is precious — all life — and shame on those who celebrate actually celebrate abortion."
  • "The Republican Party, I'm very proud of this, is the party of parents. because we understand that if you don't love your children, your children won't stop loving you your children will stop loving themselves."
  • "We should have an election day, not an election month."
  • "Illegal immigration is illegal, duh. Unless you peaked in high school, you know that. Why doesn't President Biden?"
  • "If gun control laws worked, Chicago would be Mayberry. Instead it is the world's largest outdoor shooting range."
  • "America was founded on the principle of free will and responsibility and I believe in that. Many in Washington do not."
  • "Race should not be used to hurt a person or to help a person, you know why? Because the truth is also that souls have no color. To a bear, we all taste like chicken."
  • "The Chinese Communist Party is a bunch of gangsters...I would not turn my back on President Xi if he were two days dead."
  • "We must be armed if we want peace, because appeasing a tyrant is like trying to hand-feed a shark."
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Kennedy also reminded the CPAC audience that "Arlington National Cemetery contains 400,000 reasons why you should stand your ass up for the national anthem," adding "those who disagree...can stick that up their fact-checker."

Ending on an optimistic call-to-action, Kennedy said America's "future can be better than our present or our past." 

"At some point, we have to stop regretting yesterday and start creating tomorrow," Kennedy instructed. "I'm not going to bubble-wrap it: no one is coming to save us but ourselves. Most countries die from suicide, not murder," he reminded. "If we want to keep America, we have to fight for her."

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