Aww: Occupy Wall Streeters Afraid We Think They're Crazy

Posted: Oct 05, 2011 4:44 PM

Poor Occupy Wall Street. They just can't win! They don't list demands, and the media calls them an unorganized bunch of hipsters who have no idea what they want (OK, so the "unorganized hipsters" line was mine). They do list demands, and suddenly everyone can see how insane they are ("Demand Four: Free college education." Riiiiight).

Indeed, they are doing conservatives' work for us. Every time they open their (corporately manufactured) laptops to blog (on the corporately developed Internet), or their (corporately manufactured) iPhones to tweet, or their mouths to speak to the press, they sound even dumber than we imagined.

The more astute occupiers have taken notice of our derisive laughter, and have begun issuing cease-and-desist orders on demands. Take, for instance, this recent blog post:


It reads: 

No more demands - it not only makes Occupiers seem like nuts, I'm waiting to find out who the hostages are.

Create a clear list of Crimes and who committed the crimes. Then we can lawfully go after them through the court system with a Trial by Jury.

Yep, that's the way to stop looking like you're crazy!

I hate to break it to you, Occupiers, but while plenty of the behavior exhibited by banks has been reprehensible, it hasn't been illegal. Take, for example, those bonuses you love to complain about. Sure, that was a bit of an insensitive move, but the banks were contractually obligated to pay them, and most executives returned the money. I'd suggest you read up on the financial collapse of 2008. Understand what you think you're protesting.

Jesse Watters had some brilliant (er, well...) footage of the protesters talking about why they're there and what they want. Without further ado, Occupy Wall Street, in their own words:


Keep talking, guys. Like you said: The whole world is watching. Heh.