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OPINION

Snark Blogging the State of the Union...

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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Dreading what stupid stuff the GOP might stand and clap for. Don't they have any consultants who can teach them how to refrain without looking like grumpy cats? Maybe hands folded across their tummies, a twinkly smirk on their face, head cocked left or right

Someone just needs to inject some embalming fluid into Boehner's tanning spray.

Cheers, cheers, yay, yay!

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"It's been a hard time for many. Not because my policies bite, but because I haven't turned us socialist fast enough! "

"We're as free from the grip of foreign oil as we've been in 30 years, because I couldn't stop those damn mosquito drillers."

“The state of the union is strong! Until I can drive wedges between every social, economic, and racial sector.”

Hey, if he's really going to abandon the endless check list of proposals and talk about big themes, I will applaud him for that oratorical improvement.

If he claims credit for increased oil production and lower gas prices, I'm going to find a picture of him to slowly burn to death, starting with his pants.

10 million new insured? Footnote to self. Must fact check.

We need to do more than just make sure government does no harm! We need to ride and govern the hell out of these cattle!

Biggest lie yet tonight: We don't just want everyone to share in our success; we want to make sure everyone contributes to our success. Which is why he's increased dependency and eliminated work requirements and means testing every which way he could.

The nation's progress depends on federal support for affordable child care! Your childz are belongz to us.

Hey, First Moron, equal pay for equal work for women has been the law since 1964! Enforce it!! Don't demand new laws.

"I'm sending Congress a plan to lower the cost of community college...TO ZERO. I'll pay for this free candy by sucking the blood from people who already invested in college savings plans."

He touts Google, Ebay, and Tesla, says no one knows where the new jobs will come from. Utterly oblivious to the obvious lesson that HE SHOULD STOP TRYING TO ORCHESTRATE WHERE THOSE INDUSTRIES AND JOBS SHOULD COME FROM!!

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Liar. What are the tax breaks for companies that invest abroad? You didn't even answer Mitt that in the 2012 debate.

"We need laws that strengthen unions and give American workers a voice." Umm, hey, commie, the workplace is based on supply and demand, not debate and vote. Sorry you didn't have an adequate economic education.

"My first duty as Commander in Chief is to defend the USA." What follows should be pungent.

"We need a resolution of Congress to authorize force against ISIS." Actually, I agree, but his sliminess is sickening. When he ordered worthless missile pinpricks, he insisted he already had authority. Now he needs authorization? Man is a liar who the whores of the press never make account.

Hey, by this Spring, I'm sure I'll have an agreement with Iran to prevent them getting nukes! I saved their bacon when their own citizens rose up against them, and if Congress imposes sanctions, I'll veto it! Please don't notice that a big theme of my presidency is supporting radical Islamist governments!

Uh, oh. Put on your rubber boots. Here comes climate change.

My puppets at the Pentagon, after I fired most of Americans' great heroes and feminized and house broke the military, say climate change is a serious security threat! I mean it!!

I'm on a crusade to defend the image of Islam!! Also, people who are gay and lesbian who my Muslim friends would stone!! Uh, wait...who wrote this speech?

I still believe that we are one people! Because in my sum up I want to make a bigger liar of myself and pretend that all the division, bitterness, and baiting I've indulged throughout my presidency don't exist and don't stain my legacy with strife and blood.

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I want a politics that doesn't demonize each other, says the a**hole who ran a re-election campaign ad against his opponent that said: "He isn't one of us." I detest this man and the traitorous media that doesn't hold him accountable for ----.

Utterly dishonest and despicable poetry. I'm done. Need to smoke a cigarette. (Figuratively).

"God bless this country we love"? I think he was reinforcing his theme that no country is exceptional. Brits love theirs, Greeks love theirs. No one is special. Hey, God, we love our country--not America especially, just bless this one that is ours.

Hey, the photogenic Hog Castrator is on! I'm down. She's not the arrogant idiot we just listened to!

Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord our Constitution to keep. If it goes before I wake, I pray Obama's soul will bake.

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