State of the Union Cancelled – Will Air Reruns of Previous Speeches Instead

Michael Schaus
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Posted: Jan 28, 2014 12:01 AM
State of the Union Cancelled – Will Air Reruns of Previous Speeches Instead

Will he pivot (again) to job creation? Will there be another major, and unattainable, goal set forth tonight? Will President Barack Obama call on Congress to “work together”? Well… Yeah. In fact, I have been told by very dependable sources, that Obama’s teleprompter will randomly jumble together “highlights” from past speeches for tonight’s State of the Union. And, assuming the word corpsmen is spelled out phonetically, everything should run smoothly.

Our cut-and-paste President is expected to underscore his desire to act imperially without the cumbersome process of representative government. He is expected to “address” the income inequality that got worse under his watch. And he’s expected to address some of the tremendous benefits of Obamacare without mentioning higher premiums, dropped coverage, or increased bureaucracy.

So, yeah… You won’t be missing a whole lot while you are catching up on Dexter-reruns rather than watching the President repeat his Orwellian promises for the umpteenth time. The truth is, you will probably find more passion and honesty from a show about a serial-killing-forensic-investigator than from the President’s teleprompter.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t take a couple jabs at it before he delivers it. So, to save you from having to watch Democrats rise to their feet more times than a Catholic congregation, I have outlined some expected highlights from this evening’s campaign State of the Union speech:

No doubt the President will address income inequality. As he campaigns before Congress and an increasingly apathetic nation, the President will insist that the poor are poor because the rich are rich. (Whatever sense that makes.) He’s also likely to address further spending on entitlement programs, because it’s pretty clear that nothing helps create wealth like plundering the wealthy to subsidize poverty.

Immigration will likely come up in the President’s redundant ramblings. Which makes complete sense when the nation is struggling to find enough work for tens of millions of unemployed American citizens… It’s pretty obvious that bringing several million more potential workers into the market will really help push our economic recovery into overdrive.

The Campaigner in Chief is also expected to delve into the topic of executive action, because working with duly elected representatives of the governed is too cumbersome for a President with weak approval ratings.

Foreign policy will be a brief, and vague, paragraph or two… And who could blame him? Under Obama’s guidance, hope for relative peace in the Middle East has essentially collapsed. Our Ambassador was killed in Benghazi (and the administration failed miserably at covering up their own incompetence). Egypt fell into chaos. Islamists have been armed by American forces as they fought their government in Syria. Heck… Even the hard fought victories America saw in Iraq and Afghanistan have been largely reversed as black Al Qaeda flags hang over Fallujah and in towns throughout both countries.

Oh, and let’s not forget the President’s insistence that we bomb the heck out of the coal industry. Global warming will probably make an appearance on the President’s teleprompter, despite the hilariously inadequate science behind the theory. (Obama might even mention something about oil production being up under his presidency, which is kinda cute coming from a guy who refuses to “OK” the Keystone XL Pipeline.)

There may also be some mention of gun control (because all those people who follow gun laws are known for their dangerous tendencies), gay marriage (because that’s a pressing issue for families that have seen their paychecks shrink, energy prices soar, and household wealth decline), and Obamacare (or as millennials seem to view it: the plague).

The White House is also setting up an interactive experience, in a Google + “hangout” (yeah… that’s a thing) for people to “engage” with the White House later in the week. According to NBC, this “says a lot about our media environment – and about the multiple audiences (Congress, diehard backers, independents and casual viewers) he’s trying to reach.” And so continues the President’s preference for campaigning over leading.

This year’s State of the Union speech is likely to be as persuasive as Jimmy Carter’s hostage negotiation skills. The President is increasingly less popular, and has an increasingly obstinate attitude toward the Republican majority in the House of Representatives. Barring a surprise Democrat landslide in 2014 (I’ll go back and underscore “surprise” later) Mr. Obama will be faced with bullying his opponents, and stretching the definition of “executive power”.

Tuesday’s State of the Union speech is unlikely to lay out a realistic agenda, or motivate America to suddenly start trusting the same President who promised we could keep our private health insurance. It is likely to bore the sliver of America that chooses to tune in, and insult opponents of the President’s agenda. But, welcome to the real world. When a President spends the majority of his time in office belittling Republicans, and refusing compromise, his words begin to lose their persuasion.

So, enjoy this evening… I hear Netflix has a new documentary out on Mitt Romney. (And you really can’t go wrong with re-runs of Dexter.)