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And the Rominee is...

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

As the unofficial Pundit from the Cheap Seats, I have some predictions for the GOP Race. By the time November rolls around, the following will happen:

After his attack on Mitt Romney and Bain Capital, Newt Gingrich will declare that he is part of the 99%, put on a Phish T-Shirt and start Occupy South Carolina.

Ironically, Newt will be fired from Occupy South Carolina by Ron Paul supporters who will form an offshoot party of the Libertarians and nominate a pacifist spotted owl as the doctors’ running mate. 

Rick Santorum will kick himself for not buying a house and eating pizza in the rest of the caucus states. He will fund his next campaign by modeling sweater vests in catalogues for stores that will be boycotted by every left wing activist group to ever post a blog. With his experience filling in for Bill Bennett, he will eventually have his own radio show.

Then again, everyone will eventually have their own radio show.

After being refused the Ambassadorship to Iowa, Jon Huntsman will become the next governor of New Hampshire.

He will sometimes guest-host on “Morning Joe”.

Rick Perry will…oh who hell knows?

When all is said and done, the Presumptive Rominee will in fact be Rominated and will draft Condoleezza Rice as a running mate.

The Romination will be a tough one, as it will be stridently opposed on the convention floor by people in Phish t-shirts and by spotted owls.

During the campaign, the Rominee will spend all his money countering ads by the DNC whohave been taking copious notes and rolling tape in the months since January...1994

As the Rominee will be broke, he will drop out of the race and Condoleezza Rice will become the next President of the United States.

So there you have it. I’ve laid it all out for you. That’s how it’s all gonna come down. You don’t have waste any more time watching the news, listening to talk radio or checking the blogs.

Go read a book, take a drive, pick up a hobby or do something nice for your spouse.

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