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OPINION

Republicans Should Eagerly Support the Tennessee Twerp Trio

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/George Walker IV

I’m very excited about the prominence of the Tennessee Three Stooges. These ridiculous goofs figured that they could walk into the well of the Tennessee House with a bullhorn and take things over like, well, insurrectionists and that everything would be cool. But everything wasn’t cool. Suddenly these three got introduced to a new friend, Mr. Consequences. To their partial credit, the GOP legislators booted two of them out of the legislature. They should have booted all three. The one who looks like child-ruin advocate Randi Weingarten got a pass after groveling. The squishes who decided to have mercy were rewarded when she predictably repaid their weakness disguised as kindness by publicly calling them racists. So, that’s your lesson on having mercy upon cultural Marxists. Don’t. In any case, I highly support them being put on a pedestal as the latest icons of communism. Do more of that, Democrats.

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This is not going to help the Democrats. This is going to help us. First, these dummies can’t even pretend to be oppressed, right? The 86'd two immediately got their city councils to appoint them as temporary representatives pending a special election, so now they’re martyrs without martyr hood. Sure, they got a lot of press in the meantime. But how effective was it? They were on “Good Morning, America,” but that’s not the powerhouse it was when we were kids, averaging just 3.3 million viewers last February, or about 1% of America’s population. However, it does dominate in the key liberal sexually-unsatisfied Trader Joe’s Chardonnay-loving cat women demographic. 

The legacy TV network news fawned over them too, and the Washington Post praised them because they’re the right kind of insurrectionist, as opposed to the wrong kind that actually likes America. More power to them. Please elevate these race-hustling ninnies. I’m sure they’re very popular among communist college students and other jerks, but they are poison to normal people. Normal people look at them, and despite the eerie passing resemblance of one of them to Carlton, the amiable pal of the Fresh Prince (Note: Alfonso Ribeiro is, I’ve been told, a great guy in real life), ordinary people think these lefty icons are idiots.

But don’t tell the Democrats. We want them to do this. Now, the Tennessee legislature is about 75% Republican, and it’s got a Republican governor, and it’s got Republican senators and a lot of Republican congress creatures. The Democrats, afflicted with the delusions that come with being Democrats, have convinced themselves that the Volunteer State is teetering on the edge of turning blue. These idiots will raise money, tons of money, to spend in Tennessee and I am all for it. Please, take it all down to Nashville by the truckload, pile it up in a big heap, pour gasoline on it, and set it on fire.

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This kind of lousy icon choice is a recurring theme for the Dems. It happens over and over. For some reason, the leftists decide that their latest hero, whether it’s Beto, or that nimrod who ran against Mitch McConnell last time, or whoever can really pull it off in a red state. So, the latest stuperhero heads out to California because Hollywood and Silicon Valley are where most of the communist money is, and does a song and dance for these Cali clueless donors, who proceed to write them huge checks to take over some seats in West Dakota or North Virginia or wherever, and that money goes poof.

Ha ha

The leftists make heroes annoy and repel ordinary people. Look at Georgia pseudo-governor Stacey Abrams, like you could miss her. When the erotic novel author and carbohydrate advocate lost the first time – I mean won, because we don’t want her to call us “racist” more than she usually does – they turned her into a martyr. For some reason, a lot of conservatives are constantly terrified that we’re going to turn Democrats into martyrs, but the fact is that their martyrs end up being losers. It’s terrible to fetishize losers. If the Democrats want to double down on the notion of glorious defeat – a habit both Never Trumpers and Only Trumpers seem to embrace too – more power to them. As long as the Dems get defeated, cool. 

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The left loved Abrams. She was on all the shows too. The Washington Post did a puffy piece on her with a dramatic, adoring photo of her just kind of standing there, looking ahead toward a dank Marxist future. They even put her in an episode of one of the dumb new “Star Trek” shows, where I believe she played a moon. The left really liked her.

But it turns out that the people of Georgia really didn’t. Stacey Abrams decided she was going to try to actually win a term – in the sense that she would actually get to be the governor instead of the fake governor – and she got crushed. I mean, Kemp just crushed her as if she had sat on a banana. She raised vast heaps of money, money that could have swung other races elsewhere, and made it so the inept Republicans lost less badly than they otherwise might have in 2022. All that money went to subsidize their bizarre fantasy, and it ended up wasted.

Yah!

Now, it’s clear that in the future, one or two or all three of the Tennessee twits will run for something somewhere – Congress, Senate, maybe president. Who knows? Who cares? I want them to. Democrats love them because Democrats are saps and suckers, and they will write huge checks, and that money will be utterly squandered. Further, just the appearance of these tools will mobilize normal Republicans in Tennessee, who now see the alternative to the GOP and will take a hard pass.

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The fact is that when Democrats are seen clearly by ordinary people, normal people don’t like them. They don’t like Beto, they don’t like Stacey Abrams, and they’re not going to like these nitwits, a bunch of leftists who will demand that you wear a mask forever and pay reparations for something you didn’t do and give up your car, and disarm, and allow adult male perverts in dresses to twerk in front of your kids’ faces. So, please put these idiots on a pedestal. Make them the face of the Democrat Party. Make our day.

Follow Kurt on Twitter @KurtSchlichter. Get Inferno, the seventh book in the Kelly Turnbull People's Republic series of conservative action novels set in America after a notional national divorce, as well as his non-fiction book We’ll Be Back: The Fall and Rise of America.

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