Opinion

Why Is Dr. Oz Running as a Republican?

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Posted: Dec 09, 2021 12:01 AM
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Why Is Dr. Oz Running as a Republican?

Source: Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP, File

I understand that someone named Dr. Mehmet Oz is running for the Senate seat in Pennsylvania – though he apparently wasn’t a Pennsylvanian until five minutes ago – and this raises several questions, like “Who is this person?”, “Why should this person be a senator instead of, say, some Amish rando from Chambersburg?”, and, most importantly, “Why is this person running as a Republican?”

He is apparently a TV reality guy, and I guess he looked at Trump and thought, “Well, he was on TV and he did it, so why not?” But “Why not” is not a great reason for someone to run for a Senate seat we Republicans need. And Dr. Oz is a Republican like Brian Stelter, who is a potato, is a Chippendales dancer.

Let’s review his track record, with a special thanks to conservative muckraker Jack Posobiec, who has done great work gathering the receipts.

Dr. Oz is a fan of gun control and adores red flag laws.

Dr. Oz parroted the racist trash spewed by Black Lives Matter, instead of expressing the proper position that this crew of communist scumbags is total garbage. 

He also tolerates the mommy Munchausens behind the kiddie trans madness.

Oh, and he’s squishy on abortion (go to 24:50).

So, in what way is this Oprah acolyte who has faithfully hewed to the liberal narrative a “conservative?” He’s not. He’s a squish, at best, with no track record of conservatism and with no discernible conservative views whatsoever. In the off chance he gets elected, he would make Mitt Romney seem like Lauren Boebert. 

Hey, if he wins the primary, I’d support him over any Democrat. But he should not win the primary.

So, what is he doing about his problem, which is that he’s a liberal Democrat from out of state running as a based PA conservative Republican? What any good vanity candidate does. He is spending money to convince the suckers not to believe their lying eyes! That means retaining consultants, many, many consultants, each one more of a hack than the next. 

He has managed to hire the worst consultants on Earth. As a result, his terrible Twitter account pumps out cheesy versions of what people who hate the Trumpian base think the Trumpian base is eager to hear: “Washington elites want to control your life. I’m running for the U.S. Senate to put YOU back in control.” I can just see these geniuses sitting around a table, saying “You know what the focus groups tell us those hillbillies hate? Washington elites. Let’s go with that!”

And what the hell do we make of this word succotash? “I will work to bridge the gap between the Left and the Right and focus on bringing results. Let’s make America healthy again!” Can someone translate that from Consultant into English? We’re one step away from him tweeting, “Let’s reach across the aisle to work together to bring a brighter tomorrow for the children!” Sheesh.

But the most hilarious hackery comes when his courtiers take a page from some old 2005 issue of the pre-sunk Weekly Standard to generate cliché derby champions like this: “I'm here to promise you one thing: I am going to help reignite the divine spark inside every American and empower us to live better lives.” 

Yo Doc, we’re looking for people to ignite the establishment and the institutions, not our souls. Eighty-six all your consultants, get your money back, ignite it, and you’ll be better off.

It is not clear whether this guy is a Manchurian Candidate, a lib in cons' clothing who wants to get into office and make trouble for Mitch McConnell, or whether he’s just an egomaniac who thinks that because a bunch of Chardonnay moms and lonely shut-ins watch his TV show that he’s got a unique and special vision that he simply must share with America. 

Either way, this guy has no business repping our party. I am not sure who does among the candidates, since Sean Parnell had to withdraw to support his family after a custody battle and being slimed (including by jealous Republicans). But we need to reject dilettantes and posers. We need committed conservatives who don’t have the threat of cancellation in the back of their minds when they go to do battle with the left. We do not need a consultant-constructed simulacrum of a conservative who spews meaningless mush because he’s so used to the mindless masses who watch his TV show that he thinks everyone out there is as dumb as his audience is.

His dalliance with gun control disqualifies him. His kiddie trans toleration disqualifies him. His abortion openness disqualifies him. His CRT tolerance disqualifies him.

He’s disqualified. Period. Next!

Fortunately, Dr. Oz is unlikely to fool the kind of hardcore voters any winning Republican will need in PA. I unscientifically polled the question “Should I write my Thursday column on how terrible @DrOz appears to be?” and “What is a Dr. Oz?” got 14.2%. “Yes, he’s a RINO plant” and “Yes but diss Stelter [Potato Emoji] too” got a total of 82.8%. “No, he’s conservative” got just 3%. Those are not good numbers for this pseudo-conservative, and hopefully the wise voters of my family homeland, the Keystone State, will reject this carpetbagging fraud. We need the real deal right now, not vanity runs.

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