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OPINION
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Did Joe Biden Poop His Pants?

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
AP Photo/Andrew Medichini

I keep harping on the obvious, but Grandpa Badfinger is getting worse. The other day he was sharing with the baffled pontiff some sort of story about Satchel Paige. Tomorrow, he’s probably going to introduce America to his invisible rabbit friend Harvey. How long is this going to continue?

Tucker Carlson is a threat to democracy by…saying things liberals dislike. Good.

I saw “Dune” and did not hate it, but boy I love the 1980s version because it is just insane.

President Crusty Is Getting Worse

Rumor has it that Joe Biden gave new meaning to the phrase “Let’s go, Brandon,” when he has a “bathroom incident” while visiting the Vatican. Did he really poop himself pre-Pope? I don’t know, nor do you, nor does anyone but Dr. (sic) Biden and the unlucky minion who launders the chief executive’s drawers – and that includes Biden himself. 

But here’s the thing – do you disbelieve it? Do you think it’s outside the realm of possibility that this creepy old weirdo crapped himself?

The guy is a wreck. You almost feel sorry for him, or you would if he wasn’t such a corrupt, venal old pervert, but this is beyond mere sympathy. This is our country. The Chinese are getting frisky. The North Koreans are testing missiles. Iran’s forging ahead with a hot rock, and we have a Depends-clad goon as our commander-in-chief.

It’s time to get serious about this manifestly senile joke inhabiting our Oval Office. Yes, I know that means Kamala Harris, and yes, I know she’s likewise terrible in all sorts of ways. But this is getting dangerous. There are lives at stake, and Skidmark Joe is not up to the task.

#TuckerThreatensDemocracy

What a clown show. Tucker Carlson is now the subject of the libs’ daily Two-Minute Hate because Trump is out of sight. Boy, the dumbest thing the left ever did was to get their social media bully boys to ban Trump from social media. He was a gift to the left, and pumping up the kaiju Carlson is just not going to do it.

What’s his crime now? Exposing the scam that is the festival of toobining that is 1/6. Let’s be clear – 1/6 was nothing. It was a minor ruckus made serious only because some hack gestapo guy murdered an innocent trespasser. It was nothing, and the police state nonsense that followed is a disgrace. Here’s a plan – give the illegal aliens locked up for being illegal aliens nothing instead of $450,000, but give the arrestees $1 million each to settle their civil rights claims. And that’s after pardoning every damn one of them.

The left is terrified that Tucker will accurately show the complicity of federal law enforcement in provoking and intensifying the minor skirmish, the unconstitutional persecution of the protestors, and the complete baloney that is the fake hysteria over the big nothing that was 1/6.

In other words, they fear – a lot – that he will tell the truth.

And so the truth is treason and insurrection and he should be arrested and blah blah blah blah blah. Watch the documentary. Get your friends to. Then talk about it. Watch the left vapor lock in fury. Screw the Dems and their sissy allies in the establishment.

Corporations Must Impose My Agenda Upon Their Customers

Some sissy blue check named Brian Tyler Cohen tweeted “On a Southwest flight from Houston to Albuquerque, the pilot signed off over the public address system with the phrase ‘Let’s go, Brandon’ (GOP code for ‘F--- Joe Biden’) to audible gasps from some passengers. Care to comment, @SouthwestAir.”

I’ll comment: Awesome.

See, I was told – by people like Brian Tyler Cohen – that it was vital for corporations to impose political views upon their customers. Now, Brian Tyler Cohen seems to believe he gets to pick the message to be imposed on the masses, but new rules don’t always work like that. I say that my agenda should be imposed. And it is!

He could have embraced the neutral ground rule we used to operate under, but he chose differently. As the ancient, though still younger than Joe Biden, knight in “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” observed, “He chose poorly.”

“Dune” Is Okay

I liked the new “Dune” movie, though I find it weird that it just sort of stops at no particular point. The second part will come along in a few years, and I can wait. It was cool-looking, even on a home big screen, but it was not life-changing.

Now, the 1984 David Lynch one was just amazing. All the weird voiceovers and stuff to explain the incomprehensible plot – superb. At one point, some character asks what I’m pretty sure was “Is he the Quiznos sandwich?” I missed the batschiff craziness of the original; this was so serious. Also, the guy in the lead looked like he should be leading a boy band instead of a revolution. Plus, that version had pugs – they were always carrying dogs around.

I say check them both out.

The sixth Kelly Turnbull conservative action thriller, The Split, shows what happens when America splits into red and blue countries. Get all six bestsellers, including People's Republic, Indian Country, Wildfire, Collapse, and Crisis!

My super-secret email is kurt.schlichter@townhall.com.

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