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The GOP’s 2024 Race Will Be Brutal And It’s a Fight We Need to Have

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
AP Photo/Butch Dill

The GOP is in the midst of a civil war to determine if it’s going to be the party of normal people who want freedom and prosperity, or return to being the party of donor-suckling corporate shills carefully overseeing our country’s descent into ruin. My side is Option A, but there will be a 2024 candidate representing Option B. The candidate of Option B will eventually lose.


Right now, the Option A side is currently regrouping. The America First revolt against decades of performative failure by our lame GOPe is at a crossroads, and the hope among the hopeless hacks is that with Donald Trump gone they can suppress the base and get back to catering to big business as usual. Except we patriots not going anywhere no matter how hard the squishes collaborate with the Democrats to turn us into scary insurekkshunsists of insurekkshun.

The last election, as much of a fiasco as it was, did offer some good omens for America First. Minority voters voted Republican in unexpected numbers. GOP candidates did very well in the House races. And we know a bunch more Republican senators would have voted to convict President Trump if they had not been so terrified of our wrath. This is good – we want Republican officials in a permanent state of terror over our wrath.

President * has stumbled out of the gate with zero wins in his first month. He signed a bunch of executive orders, all of which the next GOP president should undo on Day One. His $2,000 promise has already been broken. He is botching COVID, and parents are getting sick of indolent public school teachers demanding to be paid for not doing their jobs, instead of their usual demand to be paid for not doing their jobs well. His global warming agenda has been frozen by the Texas arctic nightmare. And also, people are noticing that he’s a creepy weirdo.


He’s literally done nothing but fail, and this despite the licensed, professional journalists of journalism explaining away his stumbles and supporting his withered narratives narrative like a media jockstrap.

Oh, and they are keeping Kamala (pronounced “Who cares how you pronounce her name?”) under lock and key. She’s even goofier. And, since the “President * Leaves Office When?” office pool seems to think that the clock is ticking (My sawbuck is down on him to be 25th Amendmented back to Delaware by this time next year, chasing squirrels and staring blankly at the tee-vee), she’ll be the Dem nominee – especially now that they are setting the FBI on Cuomo to clear the field.

At the threshold, there is a key question – does President Trump run again? I think not (I’ve heard rumors both ways). He’ll be older. He’s already proven himself, and his legacy will only improve as * screws up (though the lib historians will never credit Trump for his many successes, just like they never credit Reagan). But it would be less fun for him next time, especially since it would be an uphill fight, and being a kingmaker has its charms. Plus, a 2024 run backs up our GOP bench for another two-to-six years. We still love the guy, but I don’t see him hopping in.

I could be wrong. After all, it is Donald Trump.

So, assuming I am right, the GOP battle for the White House will be wide open and doubly intense – there’s an ideological divide, and there’s a good chance of the GOP winning against a feckless foe. Look for a brawl. And here’s my current assessment of some of the key brawlers…


Ron DeSantis – Non-Squish: He’s the “it-con” right now, the governor of a big and enreddening state whose competence provides a clear contrast with Killer Cuomo. The media hates him, which adds to his luster. A military guy, he tolerates no guff. There are questions about his retail political skills, and it is unclear whether he will appeal to Midwestern voters, but he does seem to have the edge on the Trump tribe at the moment. I am watching with great interest.

Tom Cotton – Non-Squish: He is pretty woke, which is good. He certainly wants to run, but he has no executive experience and his retail skills have been lacking. Another problem is he comes off like he’s 19. He just seems young, and he is young. I am unconvinced that 2024 is his year.

Ted Cruz – Non-Squish: I like him. I have given him money in the past, and he’d be terrific if he got in office, “if” being the key word. But he has a charisma deficit – he almost lost to that furry Beto in Texas – and it’s hard to see him appealing to the working class. He himself concedes that the Cancun thing was an unforced error, but leave it to the Dem media to overplay their hand by obsessing on it in order to distract from Governor Homicide and inspire people to defend Cruz who otherwise would have shaken their heads at his bad judgment. Hey media, let us know when Ted’s next vacation kills 10K old people in nursing homes. Still, in 2024, Cruz needs to be thinking about keeping his Senate seat – he’s a voice we need in that den of iniquity.


Josh Hawley – Non-Squish: Another young guy with a lot of talent. The media wants to turn him into Jefferson Davis, Jr., but then the media will call any Republican the second coming of the Confederacy so that can’t be a criterion for us. He’s smart, tough and woke – especially about the tech titans, and he is fully America First. I want to see more.

Mike Pompeo – Non-Squish: No hit on this fellow Army vet, but why him? He was a great Secretary of State, and he’d make a great president, but who, exactly, is in the throes of Pompeomania? I’d be happy to vote for him, but not happy that we nominated him because I see no Pompeo path to victory.

Kristi Noem – Non-Squish: I must admit – I am intrigued. She’s another successful governor who rejected COVID idiocy, and she’s been lifting her profile so we all know she’s running. She is mos def conservawoke. It’s good that she’s not from a coast. She is a female who identifies as female, which will make for an interesting dynamic running against Harris. Don’t expect Noem to win back the suburbs by default. The media will instruct the unsatisfied wine women of suburbia that’s she’s not a real woman since she is happily married and doesn’t guzzle Trader’s Joe’s screw top Chardonnay every night to ease her angst. Of course, suburban men might like her because she does not come off like the emasculating harpy waiting for them back at the McMansion. I want to see more.


Larry Hogan – Squish: The lumpy doofus is the governor of a state no one cares about. He’s John Kasich, except his dad wasn’t a mailman and his associates aren’t accused of being pedos. There is a constituency for Hogan as the GOP nominee, but it consists solely of journalists and Larry Hogan. 

Mitt Romney – Miracle Whip Squishy: He might run since he’s getting primaried in Utah, his state du jour. But who is the person who is not part of that pedo-enabling group of grifters who wants this doofus to bring down another national ticket with his unique brand of sanctimonious weakness? Why can’t this geek just go away?

Nikki! Haley – Jeb! 2: The SquishengingThe GOP’s Chatty Weathervane is the Establishment’s first choice in 2024, the candidate the donors and the pols want and who the base will reject like it rejected Jeb! in 2016. She is intended to represent a return to the Republicans of the past and to win back all those sissies who voted against Trump for his mean tweets. In that, she’ll get the media’s help until the second she wins the nomination, when media Lucy will pull away the football and Haley be labeled “Nikki Hitler” and wonder why all her media friends are being mean to her after she sucked up to them so enthusiastically. She’s not woke, and she’s not loyal. If she would not stand by Trump, why would you imagine she would stand by you? Trump’s diss of her after her Politico betrayal – what kind of Republican talks to Politico? – was glorious. The only way she might not be another George W. Bush-like disaster in the very unlikely scenario in which she wins is if she spent the whole four years surrounded by an audience of hardcore cons, since she naturally says whatever the audience she is in front of at any given moment wants to hear. She will run and occupy the “moderate and sensible loser” lane. And she will moderately and sensibly lose.


You will notice the lack of Ric Grenell on my list. It is no secret that I am biased – I think he’s magnificent and a future president. If he gets in in 2024, he’s my guy – conservawoke, tough and smart. But his highest and best use in 2024 – I hope he does not take a detour by going in on the California recall – is as the knife-fighting veep nominee. I pity the fool who steps to Ric. The base loves him – it’s remarkable how popular he is out there. I mention him in a speech and the room erupts. Ric on the ticket means us hardcores are fully assured that the new administration will fight, and he will serve our country well doing the actual job (this is a guy who could make peace in the Balkans – that’s an achievement!). 

So, here’s my dream ticket for 2024: [One of the Non-Squishes] + Ric Grenell.

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