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Give Thanks and Tell the Turkey Fascists to Go Gnaw on a Drumstick

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
AP Photo/Jeff Chiu, Pool

The towering mediocrities, who are now telling you to cower in your homes this Thanksgiving instead of deciding for yourself if you should be joining with your family and giving thanks to God for His blessings, get off on their power, and they dearly love the idea of you being suppressed, oppressed, and depressed. Well, I got something to pass them at the table and it isn’t stuffing, though stuffing is what they can do with it.


Remember, since about February these hacks have been notable only for their continued and unbroken streak of failure. First, we were supposed to go out and party and not wear masks. Then we were supposed to hide in our houses with a diaper cinched tightly about our piehole. Heaven forbid some small restaurant serve a dozen folks their patty melts, but there was never any question that hordes of people could descend on the stores of big Dem donors like Walmart. Lockdown someone writing you fat checks? Science schmience, are you nuts?

And you can’t worship together but you can get out and riot together and that’s a beautiful thing. Springbreakers, Orthodox Jewish worship, and Trump rallies are deadly super-spreader events; BLM and Antifa riots are a delightful flowering of love and stuff whose participants were surrounded by a warm, healthy light of protection from racist viruses. Just ignore the concurrent case spikes that happened as these losers burned things – ignoring it is made easy by a garbage media dedicated to propping up the teetering establishment (to which alleged anarchist rebels of rebellion like the Antifa and BLM scumbags are but mindless minions).

So, have you noticed that where our leaders have been following the dictates of these dorks, like in Maryland and California, the result is a freaking disaster? Maryland’s Governor Co-Morbidity and Cali’s Governor Hairstyle look at their exploding case numbers and think, “Well, we should do more of the same things that have already failed and destroy millions of people’s livelihoods at the same time.” Their argument is that they have failed so badly that we must give them even more power to do more of the things that have failed.


And the most amazing part is how, as Chris Stigall pointed out (albeit inspired by yours truly!) that they have literally become John Lithgow in Footloose. No dancing, you rowdy teens! Nor going to church. Nor anything! There’s nothing worse than fundamentalist liberalism.

There’s another way, though, but it doesn’t provide these power-hungry hacks with the giddy glee of bossing people around like their one-size-fits-all pronouncements.

You decide for yourself what you are going to do. You decide, based on your knowledge of your family’s situation, if and how to gather together, and eat turkey, rolls, and the hot, buttery, mashed cousins of Brian “Tater” Stelter.

Whoa. Citizens deciding stuff for themselves – what a concept.

Think about it. You know your situation. You know what’s an acceptable risk for you. And you haven’t publicly screwed up the pandemic response for the better part of a year such that after listening to you for nine months we are in a worse situation than ever.

You – and I mean any of you reading this – literally have a massively better record on handling the pandemic than any one of these medical Mussolinis.

Here’s a question for the finger-waggers. Tell me about my situation. Can I catch or spread COVID?

That seems like a really important fact, doesn’t it? I know the answer. My governor, who was not enough of a man to keep Kimberly Guilfoyle – she ended up with Don Jr., because hot women always eventually seek out a conservative man – does not know if I can catch or spread COVID. But he thinks he should tell me what to do not having that most basic of information at his disposal.


I have that information, though. So why is that talking haircut presuming to tell me what I should do? He either likes the power or he’s stupid or both, and here’s a spoiler – it’s both.

In fact, I am invulnerable to COVID and won’t spread it because I had it. And it was annoying (like a light cold), but I got over it and there is no sciencey reason for me to be in “lockdown.” None. I thought we loved science, right? But I guess that was a lie too.

I know my situation, and in my family, we’re going to choose on our own to delay our Thanksgiving a bit just in case. That’s our decision. It has nothing to do with what the government hacks say – I’m ignoring them because even if they had the information necessary to determine how I shall live, they have no right to do so. It has everything to do with my assessment of the specific facts in my situation, including my own status, and that of my family. I don’t need people who are manifestly less capable than me at this task trying to tell me what to do. 

I am an American citizen and I refuse to be ordered about by incompetents – or, for that matter, competents, though there’s little risk of that in LA.

And I want to give thanks, because we have much to be thankful for even in the midst of all this garbage. I remain steadfastly optimistic and absolutely convinced that over time we shall prevail. We have been manifestly blessed living here, yes, even with rigged elections, creeping fascism, and all the other challenges we face. Yet Thanksgiving is vital because, among other reasons, it causes us to reckon with the reality of our situation. We have so much here, even as it is threatened, and we should be grateful to the Almighty for it.


I spent a number of Thanksgivings overseas in the Army. Serving among the foreigners, I saw what the real world looks like, and we must all be thankful we live in this exception to it. The left hates this holiday because it wants us sullen and broken – bitter, selfish, and ungrateful people are a huge Democrat constituency, and they want to make more of them. Don’t become one of them.

So, celebrate Thanksgiving. You know best how to do it in your particular circumstances. And once we’re done giving thanks, let’s get back to the fight. 

Conservatives Must Stand Together and Fight. Join Townhall VIP.

My new conservative action novel Crisis is out and it hit No. 29 on all of Amazon, which is pretty remarkable for a book about America split into red and blue countries and an action hero who likes guns and mocking libs. Give it a look as an ebook or hard copy. You may also want to check out the four prior novels People's RepublicIndian CountryWildfireand CollapseThey make great gifts for cons you want to please and libs you want to make cry.

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