Another Update on the 2020 Georgia Election Probe...And It's Not Good
It Was Fun While It Lasted: AOC Parody Account Has Been Deleted
Republicans Jump as Biden Falls, The Hill Misplaces Liz Cheney, and PolitiFact Struggles...
If Joe’s a No-Go, Then Who?
Why Does Our Misery Surprise Us?
The Mainstream Media Threatens American Democracy
Brace for Impact: DOE Is About to Unleash Sexual Assault on Girls and...
Pride Month and Why Schools Are Sexualizing Children
Abortion and the Question of a Higher Law
A Bad Start For Pride Month
'The Idol' Normalizes a Pornographic Culture
California Residents Are Fed Up With the Ongoing 'Rampant' Crime Problem
Biden's Series of Misfortunate Accidents Prove America Needs a New President
GOP Demands the FBI to Explain Trump Probe Despite No Evidence to Attack...
Crowd Boos at Sean Hannity, Cheers 'We Love Trump'

Handicapping The Democrat Losers

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
AP Photo/Mary Schwalm

Editor's Note: Did you know, on Wednesday mornings, there's a BONUS KURT column that he writes just for VIP members?

The Democrat field is starting to narrow as some of the biggest losers drop out in humiliating failure. The flatulent, pro-nuke Eric Swalwell is gone. Whichever Castro bro was in just quit. And that hapless furry Beto is off selling autographs on the weirdo convention circuit dressed as a cartoon fox named “Yiffy.”

The ones still in the race are even more pathetic.

Here are my thoughts on where the race is now. In the general, it’s Trump’s to lose. Between a sprinting economy and a staggering Democrat field, he’s the odds-on favorite in the general. But the real election issue is not going to be his past achievements. Trump’s achievements are now baked into the pie – those who dig him assume them and those who hate him don’t care how good he’s doing. They want him gone even if he takes the economy and America’s newfound standing in the world as Earth’s Rebel Badboy with him.

The deciding factor is going to be personality, and Trump has the advantage because he has one. The question is going to be, “Who does America trust not to screw up all the repairs that Trump has made to America post-Barack Obama?”

The answer is going to be, “Not one of those quasi-commie Democrat dorks.”

There are six real candidates – sorry Yangbangers and Tulsi-touters, but those two are not in the mix.

There’s Biden. What a putz. From his bizarre behavior to his brazen demand that we just accept the manifest corruption of his boy Lil’ Crackpipe, Gropey Joe is not merely of the Swamp. He is the Swamp. And there’s no reason to believe Trump won’t drain him.

Right now, he’s the leader in the polls and he’s the most likely to be nominated. There are two reasons. The first is that he has legacy black Democrat support. He’s the closest to a traditional Democrat, as opposed to one of the faculty lounge snobs that makes up most of the rest of the race. The second is that he has been designated The Democrat Most Likely To Succeed in beating The Donald. It’s unclear why. Sure, some polls say it (though they are shifting in Trump’s direction), but the problem for Joe is that so many liberal media types are wishcasting his victory that they never hit him hard. He’s soft and open to attack. Not-Mrs. Willie Brown gently tapped him in a debate (on busing, which is very, very popular among rich Democrats whose kids would never, ever be bused in a zillion years) and Not-Senile Joe went into a tailspin. He’s vulnerable because he’s been coddled – Trump will bash Hoover Biden’s dad all over the stage, as Trump feels no obligation not to talk about the subjects that the media has deemed off-limits, like the ex-senator’s (D-Credit Card Companies) Snortunate Son.

And he’ll pick Amy Klobuchar as his running mate. She’s another one who the Democrats imagine can reach out and touch the working-class folks who went for Trump. Of course, she’ll reach out and touch them with a rock – she’s got a temper and she’ll get pilloried as a tyrant. Tyrannical women are a hard sell – just ask Stumbles McMyturn. Sure, the media has announced that she is “having her moment,” but moments stop. She’s neither interesting nor inspirational, and the very moderation she allegedly represents (she doesn’t – she’s on-board with every pinko policy her pals subscribe to) will keep her from breaking out as a candidate and depress the turn-out among the Dem left (but I repeat myself) when she’s on the ticket with Biden.

[Fun Fact: The amazing Michael Malice thinks Biden may choose Kyrsten Sinema, but that’s a smart and savvy move so we need not worry about it happening.]

Then there’s Chief Spewing Bull. Her own brother recently dissed her for inventing more fake family history. Trump would chew her up, spit her out, and wash the residue into the gutter. Where’s the enthusiasm for a serial fraud who compares poorly to every bitter spinster public elementary school teacher who either demanded you use your inside voice or tried to make her class celebrate Kwanza? Maybe at Harvard or The New York Times offices, and nowhere else. She sadly won’t get nominated, because she’s such a disaster Trump might get 45 states, and Biden won’t pick her as veep because he knows she’s going to be scheming and drape-measuring every time she visits the Oval Office, and the budget does not include a presidential food taster.

Maybe Bernie Sanders will get it – which would be great because then all the nimrods who pushed the phony dossier would have to concede that they were going to vote for the one candidate we absolutely know has had sex in Russia – shiver. Yeah, he had his honeymoon in the old Soviet Union, and to people who aren’t college professors or college students or aspiring college students, that’s a disqualifier. He’s a loser, and what will be great is how the Dem bigwigs try to explain to the harder left contingent why their crusty curmudgeon is getting dissed again in the primaries.

Pete Buttigieg…why? Why is he even part of this? He’s a sub-par mayor of a sub-par town in a state most Democrats have never even heard of. Really, if he’s the one the Dems are looking to for salvation – oh yeah, he says he’s a Christian too, incessantly – then they’re pretty hosed already. His candidacy will soon Pete-r out.

Though maybe Biden will pick him for VP – if so, I’ve got $10 that says Smart Joe will get caught on tape at a rally explaining to disappointed feminists that, “Well, a gay guy counts as a woman, right?” You know that will totally happen.

And tiny Michael Bloomberg’s zillion-dollar ad budget has captured him…fifth or sixth place. Fascist Frodo’s not going anywhere. He’s already lost.

So, the smart money is on the dumb bunny, Wandering Paws Joe. And Trump will annihilate him – all the cover the garbage media has provided him will only serve to keep him weak and vulnerable for when Trump lays into him. And if you think Biden’s got a real shot in November, well, Hunter wants his Columbia Fun Dust back.

And speaking of liberal losers, my newest novel Collapse (along with other entries in the series, People's Republic, Indian Country and Wildfirelook at what would happen if they win and take over at least part of America. The Never Trumps call my books “appalling,” so they have that going for them!

Join the conversation as a VIP Member


Trending on Townhall Video