It’s hard to take braying morons like Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and the Terrorist Cheerleader Twins seriously, but maybe we should. After all, these aspiring dictatorettes are the heart, soul, and perpetually open mouth of today’s Democrat Party. We kind of assume they are jokes because, well, they are jokes, but history teaches that the socialist future they advocate is no laughing matter. They are now setting the agenda for one of America’s two great political parties. What would happen if they somehow took power?
Not so funny anymore, huh?
Americans are used to power changing hands in Washington; about half the time, the other guys are in charge and you clench your teeth and bear it until it’s your turn again. That’s part of living in a free country. For conservatives, being out of power was annoying, sometimes frustrating, but until now it wasn’t like the other side actively hated us – the Democrats sort of despised us as bitter clingers, but they didn’t want to hurt us. They do now under the influence of these Red Guard harpies. Just ask them. They’ll tell you. Go on Twitter and say you love America then brace yourself for the hate. Within twenty minutes you’ll be buying guns and ammo and digging a bunker.
If these freaks ever got power it will be open season on your ability to participate in our society and our government. After all, you’re a racist Jesus-loving/observant Jew NRA monster of greed and privilege and hatred and you deserve no rights. Your (alleged) rights are an obstacle to the fundamental transformation of America into Venezuela that they seek. In other words, your rights are expendable, and once in power the left will get right to expending them.
What would be the agenda if the Commie Coven took over? Job One would be securing their own power, meaning eliminating yours.
The first thing they would do is ensure the left never lost another election, and part of that is addressing the troublesome electorate that insists on voting in ways progressives do not approve of. Officially throwing open the borders will help fix that. Are the American people disappointing you? Get a new American people! The pathway to citizenship runs straight north, with a stop along the way at the welfare office to get free stuff like health care and food stamps – all courtesy of you.
And say goodbye to the Electoral College, which is probably unconstitutional despite being in the Constitution (like the death penalty). The Constitution is a living document, after all, meaning it grows to include new things liberals like. But it’s dead on things they don’t, like the right to free speech and the right to keep and bear arms.
Anyway, under the Socialistas, Los Angeles and Chicago will be picking the president from here on in! Just to make sure that their taking power would be the last peaceful change of government, they will institutionalize voter fraud. In the name of “voting access,” they will utterly eliminate even the measly voting security protections we have in place now. And gerrymandering? Mandatory! Of course, it will be Republicans’ gerrys that gets mandered.
That is, if Republicans are still allowed. After all, the GOP is a crime syndicate of racist racism that loves colluding with Russia (look at Russia to go back to being A-OK with libs as soon as the current bearphobia of convenience stops being useful). Properly understood – and the greatly expanded Supreme Court that includes a dozen new justices from the law school faculties of Berkeley and Harvard will ensure the proper understanding – the First Amendment does not protect “hate speech.” What is “hate speech?” Why, anything liberals dislike! And what the new secret police can’t police, the Silicon Valley corporate internet gestapo will stamp out.
What would they call this brand-new USA? I don’t know…probably something along the lines of the People's Republic of North America.
There would be no more border concentration camps, because there would be no border. The camps would be for thought criminals, like noted racists Joe Biden and Nancy Pelosi, who thought they could ride that pinko tiger. Oops!
And there would be so many other new crimes! Pronoun abuse? A crime. Manspreading? A crime. Climate crisis denial? A crime. Same with having an SUV or exceeding your carbon credits by taking a plane on vacation. Now, movie stars and, of course, politicians will be exempt, but they need to use petroleum. You don’t. By the way, no more fracking and time to impose the Green New Deal! And if the price of weather righteousness is massive unemployment and economic devastation in the heartland, why, that’s a sacrifice urban leftists are willing to make for Gaia!
Oh, and under the new single payer healthcare system, if you like your doctor you can keep him, assuming that you like the doctor the federal medical DMV assigns you too. And as you sit in the endless line in the filthy waiting room hoping to get that knee replacement surgery scheduled for a year from June (fingers crossed!), look around at all the celebrities, rich people and politicians waiting there with you. Just kidding! As in Cuba and everywhere else the government divvies up the spoils, the connected get connected and you get the scraps!
Get ready for racial, gender, orientation and fatness quotas administered by the Federal Department of Equality. And remember – mocking Secretary Beto for being a furry is a hate crime!
Enjoy the new 70% tax rate! And enjoy paying for other people’s college, and health care, and rent, and everything else. Your job is, of course, to toil without complaint. But look on the bright side – you’ll be rich once they make the minimum wage $100 an hour!
Guns? Yeah, right. Better make sure you lose them in a boating accident before common sense gun control becomes common sense confiscation. Nothing like making millions of law-abiding Americans into felons! All you have to do is “properly understand” that the Second Amendment’s “shall not be infringed” language actually means “shall totally be infringed!”
Don’t worry about freedom of religion – you are still free to practice any licensed, certified religion you want as long as it does not offend anyone else.
We’ll finally stop wasting all that cash we spend “defending” this country and use it to give free stuff to deadbeats. And we’d end spending money helping Israel – because Israel would end once Iran and its pals understood that America abandoning the Jewish state. But there’s no need for the Jewish people here in America to worry with folks like Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar in charge! None at all.
Also, marrying your brother would become at least legal, and maybe mandatory.
Note that the mainstream media would not change at all. And the Fredocon losers would be allowed to continue their liberal-affirming brand of gimp-tastic pseudo-conservatism, as the left would not consider them a threat.
Of course, the famously passive American people of the heartland would sit back and just accept all this hate and oppression. Or at least, the leftists probably assume we would. After all, they don’t really know many Americans who aren’t in college or living in Brooklyn or Scat Francisco. And they don’t know any history, since American history is just a litany of racist oppression and injustice and stuff. Lexington? Isn’t that a hip new neighborhood in Portland full of bands we probably never heard of? Concord? Isn’t that a plane that causes global warming?
Shhhhh. Don’t tell them. Let it be a surprise.
For a more detailed look at this hellish nightmare, check out my action-packed yet highly amusing novels about the United States’ split into red and blue countries, People's Republic, Indian Country and Wildfire. These quality tomes are the epitome of diversity in that they are equally hated by liberals and sad Never Trump losers. The crew from failed Weekly Standard called them “Appalling,” so there you go.