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Well, Trump Just Won in 2020

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
AP Photo/Charlie Neibergall

I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling pretty good about the election after last week’s two-day Democratic clusterfark, and the president has got to be feeling pretty good too, since he just won it. Oh, we have 17 more months of media pimping of whichever commie candidate is currently the least embarrassing, but the debates made it very clear that Trump is going to be POTUS until Ric Grenell is on the victorious GOP ticket in 2024.


In the Dems’ defense, they do have an uphill battle. The economy is on fire, we’ve dodged all the new wars our garbage elite has proposed, Mueller (who went unmentioned) delivered only humiliation, and all 723 Democrats running are geebos. But say what you will, they are a diverse bunch in every way except thought – among the weirdos, losers and mutations onstage were a fake Indian, a furry, a guy so dumb he quotes Che in Miami, a raving weather cultist, America’s shrill first wife, a distinctly non-fabulous gay guy, T-Bone’s homie, whatever the hell Andrew Yang is, and Stevie Nicks. 

But it was the thought part where they came together in a festival of insane acclamation. They agreed on everything, and it was all politically suicidal. Yeah, Americans are thrilled about the idea of subsidizing Marxist puppetry students and getting kicked off their health insurance so that they can put their lives in the hands of the people who brought you the DMV.

Exactly who, outside of Manhattan and Scat Francisco, think Americans are dying to stop even our feeble enforcement of the border, make illegal immigration not illegal, never send illegals home once they get here and – think about this – take our tax money to give these foreigners who shouldn’t even be here in the first place better free health care than our vets get? That should go well in places like Wisconsin, Michigan and Pennsylvania. I eagerly await Salena Zito’s interview with a bunch of construction workers at a diner near Pittsburg who tell her, “It really bugs me, Lou and Joe here that those people coming into the country illegally aren’t getting free heath care on our dime. We all want to work an extra shift so we can give it to ‘em. We need a president who finally puts foreigners first! Also, we all agree we ought to give up our deer rifles because people in Cory Booker’s neighborhood can’t stop shooting each other.”


Even Joe Biden, who should know better, hopped onto that crazy Acela. One of the last Democrats who actually thought his party should bother with voters who have to shower after they get off work, Biden was looking bad. Physically, he appeared thin and tired and crusty – the last couple years have not been kind. Mentally, it was just sad. Joe was never going to get mixed up with Stephen Hawking, but his pathetic flailing about on stage demonstrated that he’s way too old, physically, mentally and culturally. He would have been perfectly fine up there with guys like Walter Mondale and Hubert Humphrey in 1979, but instead he was onstage in 2019 with a bunch of people who – to the extent they know who Walter Mondale and Hubert Humphrey were – think that those guys were a bunch of racist cis-het white males of privilege who can’t understand the truly important issues of today, like – as Julian Castro pointed out – free abortions for transsexuals. 

Democrats have morphed from the party of the working man to the party of contempt for the working man. Take away his voice, take away his respect, take away his guns and take away his money – that’s their agenda for the kind of ex-Democrat voter who said “No thanks” and dashed Felonia Milhous von Pantsuit’s hideous dreams.

Currently, this minute, the Dems seem intent on nominating another strong, independent woman who would have been human wallpaper if she hadn’t hooked up with a potent Democrat male. Hillary had her Bill, at least once, and Kamala had her Willie Brown. Amusingly, after all their fussin’ and fumin’ about Trump’s lifestyle, the Demos are falling head over heels for a woman whose her career began as a mistress. But, of course. her situation was totally different. She’s a liberal.


By the way, Kamala’s heart-felt plea about busing in that racist hot-bed of Jim Crow, Berkeley, was especially amusing to me. I’m two months younger than her, I grew up across the San Francisco Bay from the future Not-Mrs. Wille Brown, and I was bused too. No one cared. It was no biggie in the Bay Area. You weren’t exactly marching to Selma, you goof.

She “won” the debate because she’s the least inept of that cast of mediocrities, and she’s totally inept. She’s just like all the others, just a little less so. Gillibrand is super shrill and super naggy, while Harris is just shrill and naggy. Bernie wants Americans to get off their own lawns so he can redistribute the turf, while Harris might let them keep a few blades of grass. And Marianne Williamson thinks the number one priority for the next president is to immediately communicate with the prime minister of New Zealand via magic crystals while Harris’s position on chakras and energy waves remains unclear.

Trump has to be ecstatic. These people are never going to beat him. Their entire platform consists of forcing Normal Americans to work so that the liberal elite can give free stuff to Democrat constituents and illegal aliens (of course, these categories form a single circle within the Venn diagram of who Democrats care about). They also want to ensure that the United States obeys the dictates of the transnational global elite when it comes to sucking up to those few foreigners who haven’t yet snuck in here for subsidized dental work. Yeah, Americans are totally going to applaud like the trained seals in the Colbert audience for reversing Trump’s policy of making the euroweenies pick up the tab for their own defense and for reinstating the Paris Accords, which means shipping cash to the Third World to somehow keep it from being a degree hotter in the year 2219.


Yeah Dems, you go with all that. Keep it up. And in January 2025 you’ll get your wish and finally be rid of Trump – though only after he hands over the Oval office keys to President Ric Grenell.

Of course, if Trump doesn’t win in 2020, we’re in for chaos. From Willie Brown’s Girlfriend’s pledge to rule by decree to Beto, who is a furry, demanding we allow people dressed like cartoon foxes into our bathrooms, to Swalwell wanting to go all Nagasaki on Americans who insist on that inconvenient Second Amendment thing, a victory by any of them would require you set your futures to “Dystopian.” Want a preview? Check out my action-packed yet super-snarky novels about the United States’ split into red and blue countries, People's Republic, Indian Country and Wildfire. Liberals and the sad Loser Boat crew from the failed Weekly Standard, to the extent they are not the same, called them “Appalling,” so they have to be good!

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