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Opinion

That’s A Hard Pass On Socialism, Millennial Suckers

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Posted: Feb 25, 2019 12:01 AM
The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not represent the views of Townhall.com.
That’s A Hard Pass On Socialism, Millennial Suckers

Source: AP Photo/Kevin Hagen

While the unkillable ideological cockroach that is socialism seems to be enjoying a resurgence primarily among stupid and/or evil millennials, there are three key groups who will oppose any such transition here in America. There are ex-military folks like me who served in the ruins of socialist countries and saw the way they poison a culture (and literally the land too – socialism is always an environmental atrocity). There are folks, like my wife, who escaped from murderous socialist hellholes – wear your scummy Che t-shirt around her and she’ll cut you. And then there are the rest of the Normal Americans who are both aware of socialism’s 100 million corpse tally and who don’t particularly want a bunch of aspiring campus Castros taking power and telling bossing them around for eternity.

Here’s the thing, and I’ve said it before, but I’m not worried about socialism because I’ll never live in a socialist America. It either will not happen, or it will happen after I and millions of others are dead fighting for the Constitution. So, this is really not my problem, but a problem for the millennials who would have to live with it. Sadly, a lot of millennials are – how do I put this delicately? – really stupid and eager to create a system that empowers aspiring lil’ kommisars to bully the Normals.

Wait, first we need to define “socialism,” because there seems to be a lot of confusion about what socialism is among the young people supporting it. “Socialism” is defined as “socialism.” You have probably seen on social media where smug dorks in knit caps post memes about how, “If you support having roads and armies, you support socialism!” Okay, if every kind of government has roads and armies, then roads and armies are not an attribute of a socialist government in particular but of government in general. This kind of soft thinking is the sad result of too many years spent watching The Daily Show, which offers its audience such pseudo-smart insights designed to blow the minds of credulous sophomores.

Oh, and here’s another annoying meme – “Well, if you plan to take Social Security or Medicare, you’re a hypocrite if you criticize them!” No, dummy. It is not hypocrisy to participate in a system that steals your money even as you seek to end it. If you leftist twits are down to let us dissenters opt out, let’s do that. Otherwise, a portion of every shift at the coffee house you pull is going to pay me my Social Security once I can take it, and I want you to know that I won’t need it, but the thought of you working for me for once is so delightful I wouldn’t ever think of passing it up. Consider it payback for your endless attempts to harness my labor for your benefit, suckers.

Understand that the real motivation behind “socialism,” as they use the term, is to shift power and resources from people like you into the hands of the unaccomplished losers who make up the Democrat Party. In terms of specific policies, socialism, as imagined by our useless millennials, seems to be less about Marxist doctrine than about just stealing things that millennials really want from you – that is, your money and your power. It’s an attempt to create a moral, cultural and political framework to justify making you an impoverished subject toiling for, and obedient to, the kind of hipster geebos who inhabit Brooklyn and Santa Monica.

Like I said, I’d prefer to die on a pile of hot brass than live as a serf to these geeks.

Let’s review some of their favorite policies.

They want universal healthcare, which means you have to work to generate money so that they get the healthcare they want. Now, my preference is that I work to get my own healthcare (which I have done for north of three decades), and they work to get their own healthcare. Or not. Perhaps they will choose to spend their money on something foolish instead of healthcare, like Fyre Festival tickets, and as a result not get the healthcare they want. That’s perfectly fine with me. But they want to have their cake, and eat it too, and for you to pick up the tab, and then buy them more cakes. Plus, they want to yell at you because the icing is transphobic for some reason.

You would get to pick up the tab for their college too, for some reason. It’s unclear why we’re morally obligated to underwrite their gender studies degrees. I just know that I spent a lot of years paying off student loans (which ought to be ended because they are a scam designed to enrich the liberal parasite apparatus that is academia, but that’s another rant) and maybe you’ll think I’m selfish, but I don’t want to work to pay for other people’s school too. Actually, you will think I am selfish, because now “selfish” is defined as “Unwilling to labor to produce wealth for other people.” But that’s okay. I can live with your fussy moral condemnation, millennials. What I can’t live with is you being my masters.

But that’s what you aspire to be, and you are not shy about manufacturing ridiculous rationales for imposing your dictatorship of the Bernie broletariat. Remember the Green New Deal? “We have to become socialist because of…uh…the weather. Yeah, that’s it. The weather.” Well, that part they let slip through about giving free money to people “unwilling to work” kind of gave it away. Socialism today is about harnessing the awesome power of Normal Americans to fuel the lazy lifestyle of a bunch of spoiled jerks.

And, of course to do that, you need to get rid of obstacles like the Bill of Rights. You can’t have dissent. You can’t have opposition. Look at college campuses today – that’s where these folks are already in power and, well, do you see a lot of freedom? Socialism requires secret police and arbitrary oppression because they can’t have productive folks like you and me not cooperating or the whole grift breaks down. Look at Venezuela (well, the millennial socialists won’t, despite it being right there in front of their dull, slack-jawed faces). Socialism can’t handle competition, because socialism is always terrible and competition creates the possibility of another political alternative – freedom. And socialists can’t have that. That’s why, as Winston Churchill observed, you can’t have socialism without a gestapo. 

Socialism here in America? No thanks. Not interested. And by “not interested,” I literally mean that I’d fight to the death to prevent you psychos from trashing the Constitution to impose a socialist regime here in America. And I’m not alone. I bet a bunch of you are down for the flag too. So millennial socialist twerps, keep running your vape holes about change and progress and all that stuff, but if you really want a revolution, you better put down your iPhones and learn how to shoot.

To experience the full horror of a socialist America – or at least a socialist America built out of the nitwit blue parts – check out my novels People’s Republic, Indian Country and Wildfire. They explore an America split in two between red and blue in the early 2020s, and *SPOILER* socialism turns out to be a lot less awesome for its advocates in reality than was promised during all those bong hit-fueled late night dorm parties.