The Great Unifier, Healer of Nations and a Man of Peace

Posted: Aug 31, 2013 12:01 AM

The great unifier, and Healer of Nations, has done it again.

Like the man He most wishes to emulate, Jesus H. Christ, Barack H. Obama is a man of peace.

Yet, in His wake He brings war.

He divides this house against itself: brother against brother, father against son and daughter against mother.

And now as His Team America, World Police gets ready to swing into action again-- now in Libya, now in the Sudan, now in Syria-- He has not forgotten the war on the Pharisees and the Scribes at home.

The all-knowing “Eye in the Sky” penetrates everything except for our thoughts.

That’s why it’s rendered on the great machinery the Republic: the dollar bill.

"The capabilities of the NSA are scary to people," the Great Healer says.

I think of it as a subtle warning from Him.

Fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.

How else do you explain the 2,776 intentional violations of privacy rules, civil liberties or court strictures by the NSA in the one-year period from 2011 to 2012 that the Washington Post has revealed?

The Spirit of 2776, that’s how.

That whole Bill of Rights thing was waaaay outdated anyway.

How can you take a document seriously that protects us from unlawful search and seizure- yeah, like that’s important- and ignores the real rights: like the right to free contraceptives, or the right to use a genderless bathroom, or the right to free cell phones?

Now that’s the real Spirit of 2776. 

The Great Healer of Nations has come to replace that old, white guy covenant with the new, improved covenant—it comes with unlimited minutes and WMDs on every Middle East street corner. 

It’s a multi-year contract.

The new covenant allows us to intervene-- or not—whenever He wishes—or doesn’t—in countries that pose no threat to us and have no strategic significance, while still pin-pointing our exact location, monitoring our calling patterns and-- coming soon-- auditing our tax returns for itemized deductions rather than the standard deduction that all enthusiastic supporters of the government should take.

The Apostle that loves Him most, Joe Biden, told us so:

“Wealthy people are just as patriotic as middle-class people, as poor people, and they know they should be doing more,” said St. Joe with a wink. 

And yes, that’s a warning too.

It’s easier for a Camel-smoking president to pass through a locked Rose Garden door, than it is for lobbyist from the coal industry to enter the Kingdom of Heaven.

But with the proper cash contribution, all things are possible.

Wink-wink, nod-nod.

More please, say the Other Apostles.

And that too is the new Spirit of 2776.

The once Hell-Fire and Brimstone speaker on campaign finance reform, and advocate of public financing of political campaigns to keep big money out of politics, has killed public financing of campaigns and ensured more big money than ever before will be a part of politics.

And unlike Lazarus, it will remain dead, because He wishes it so.

“Obama became the first candidate to decline general election public financing since the creation of the system and went on to raise a then-record $745 million for the cycle,” writes Salon. “He outspent John McCain, who did accept public money, by four-to-one. Obama’s 2008 decision generally takes at least some of the blame from campaign finance observers for killing the system.”

And to keep the good times rolling, He has become the first president to wage a permanent campaign from above, with plans for a non-stop, forever political fundraising apparatus, called Organizing for Action (OFA), that will continue after his presidency.

“[F]or many former allies,” says the Washington Post, “Obama’s decision to convert his campaign operation into a political advocacy group with unlimited funding was the final straw. ‘The president has engaged in uncharted waters that open the door to influence,’ said Democracy 21 President Fred Wertheimer, a longtime activist who describes Organizing for Action as ‘a precedent that other federal officeholders are likely to follow.’”

The Great Unifier, and the Healer of Nations plans on being the One for a very long time.

The Spirit of 2776 will remain alive and well after Him it seems.

It’s war when promised peace; it’s unemployment, when promised jobs, it’s liberty for some and tiny American flags for all of us-- except Him.

And maybe one day they’ll plan a patriotic parade around the Spirit of 2776 complete with the standard deduction only.

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