The Liberal’s Fake War on Whatever is Yielding Fake Results

John Ransom
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Posted: May 09, 2013 12:01 AM

I think it’s great consolation to the people in Boston that the Associated Press, with almost comedic timing, banned the term “Islamist” from its lexicon- also known as the AP Stylebook- on April 5th, 2013, just in time for the Boston bombing.

“On Thursday, after much prodding from the Council on American-Islamic Relations,” reported Politico, “the AP moved to disassociate the term ‘Islamist’ from its negative connotations with ‘Islamic fighters, militants, extremists or radicals, who may or may not be Islamists.’”

Good thing that Islamic fighters, militants, extremists or radicals, who may or may not be Islamists, never have to put up with being lumped in with Islamists who may or may not be fighters, militants, extremists or radicals who just happen to be Islamic.

It’s so much easier for Americans now that they know they can give their wholehearted support to the Supreme Council for Islamic Revolution, or the Council of the Islamic Revolution or the People’s Council of Islamic Organizing for Action since, you know, these groups officially “may or may not be fighters, militants, extremists, radicals or Islamists.”

Yes, it’s a comfort to us.

Just imagine the great indignity that Bostonians would have had to endure if they’d had missed that fine distinction in articles by the Associated Press after the April 15th bombing by the Tsarnaev Brothers.

The Brothers Tsarnaev, as a result, can now only be described as “white American dudes who may or may not have been associated with right-wing fanatics from Russia,” which, it seems, is the textbook media definition of Tea Party types like me.

The merger of the Chechen brothers’ religion and political views is now officially irrelevant, according to the Associated Press, the official news agency of the Plenum convened by the Secretariat of the Central Committee of the Democrat Party of the U.S.A.

“What difference does it make what we call them,” asked former Secretariat of State, Hillary Clinton, rhetorically, “as long as Americans can’t blame us?” 

And now the Boston bombing itself can be safely tallied up as another example of sporting event violence- by marathon hooligans, who are probably associated with white dudes, who most likely are militia types AND… who won’t do their patriotic duty by not itemizing deductions.

Pay America first, folks. Please, please, please only take the standard deduction. 

And Obama is right about this too: He’s got those Islamists, err- strike that- Al Qaida, who may or may not be Islamist, on the run ever since he started drone attacks on U.S. citizens.

Combined with the devastating AP Stylebook changes, I’m sure that the mad bombers who would never be described as Islamists, and, may or may not be associated with fighters, militants, extremists or radicals, are shaking in their boots.

Do you know why I know this?

Because Bethanne Bradshaw of Suffolk Public Schools in Virginia told me so.

She was one of the bright lights who decided to suspend Christopher Marshal, aged seven- who may or may not be associated with fighters, militants, extremists or radicals- from school for pointing a pencil like it was a gun and saying “bang.”

Clearly the AP Stylebook does not allow such incendiary abuse of dangerous language like the words “pow” and “bang,” which may or may not be used by fighters, militants, extremists or radicals in combination with pencils.

"A pencil is a weapon when it is pointed at someone in a threatening way and gun noises are made," said Bethanne Bradshaw of Suffolk Public Schools. 

See how that works?

All you have to do is say something to make it true.

A pencil now constitutes a weapon if you combine it with certain noises. Does that make mechanical pencils automatic weapons? High capacity weapons? Islamists?

Quick, let’s get out the AP Stylebook and make revisions.

I’m guessing, however, that Ms. Bradshaw dispensed with the standard teleprompter that is generally used by liberals to revise reality.

You see the teleprompter is more than just a device on which they regularly rely at the White House to make speeches, televise addresses and order room service. The teleprompter is an actual policy and legislative tool Obama uses to declare his war on whatever: words, women, weapons like pencils and… don’t forget the rich. Gotta have a war on the rich.

Maybe instead of the teleprompter, Ms. Bradshaw used extensively revised talking points distributed by the CIA, in consultation with the AP Stylebook, just like Ambassador Susan Rice and Secretariat Hillary Clinton used on Benghazi.

For example, on Benghazi, when consulting page 232 of the revised Stylebook we might find this directive from the Associated Press: “Please substitute ‘Al Qaida-inspired terror attacks on a defenseless consulate,’ with the less ideologically confusing ‘righteous attacks by indignant civilians on a symbol of American imperialism, inspired by demeaning videos created by Americans militants, extremists or radicals, who may or may not have ties to the Tea Party, but most certainly don’t just claim the standard deduction, the tax-evading traitors.’”

And then, to get everyone on the same page, the government can send out AP Stylebooks to every household in America.

In the days of the old Soviet Union, the government had the names and addresses of every person who owned the official and only legally allowed encyclopedia under the Communists. From time to time the Secretariat of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union would revise history to further their own war on whatever. They would then send owners of these books revised text on little slips of paper with detailed instructions on how to paste them over the old version of reality.

Copy and paste indeed.

It’s so much easier for lefties to paper over a fake war, than it is to actually wage a real one. In real war, people expect results.

The real cover-up, from Boston to Benghazi, resides not in the incompetency of the Obama administration in being unable to keep Americans abroad and at home safe from terror. That incompetency is so plain that a normal cover-up would never do.

The real cover-up is words pasted over real events to mask that Obama and is liberal friends just don't care about the safety of Americans as long as their worldview remains intact.

Democrat Representative Elijah Cummings thus used these words to shrug off four dead Americans in Benghazi, as just a part of the normal cycle of life, as if we all have it coming anyway: "And, as I listen to your testimony I could not help but think of something that I said very recently — two years ago now — in a eulogy for a relative. I said that death is a part of life, but so often we have to find a way to make life a part of death."

Well we don't have to work that hard to make "life a part of death." Islamists, who may or may not be recognized by the White House, the State Department, the Sunday morning talk shows and other sophisticates of liberal ilk, have already got that death part covered.