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Dear 'Gun Free Zone' Campus Wizards: Nine Kids Died Because Of Your Stupid Policy

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of
Last Friday night I was at my favorite cigar bar watching the news of the Umpqua Community College massacre. Like you, my buddies and I were pissed off, sad and sick to our stomachs. Three things, in particular, were ticking us off regarding this senseless slaughter.

They were ...

1. Another “Gun Free Zone” Epic Fail.
2. Christians Were Targeted.
3. Apparently Only One Dude Out Of A Couple Of Dozen Fought Back.

Here's my thoughts regarding the foul aforementioned.


I know this will be too difficult for your typical abecedarian leftist to grasp but ... If there had been a good guy with a gun on campus, who was trained, licensed and allowed to carry, he could have sent that murderous spawn of Satan to an early hell where he could slow roast for all eternity. Boom. Problem solved.

Unfortunately, there was no concealed weapon in the possession of a concerned citizen to stop this demonic dipstick because guns are disallowed on that campus. How cute. How PC of UCC. I bet Obama really loves you.

Oh, by the way, your “gun free zone” rule was obviously a bad idea. Like in: "a very bad idea." Like in: "Nine Christian kids were shot in the head", bad idea.

Did you get that, Umpqua? Nine dead. As in one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine ... dead. All because you don't value self-defense, the Second Amendment or the lives of the kids whose parents pay your bills.

If I were one of the parents who had my child senselessly slaughtered on your campus, I'd sue your politically correct butt off. I think places like yours should no longer be left off the litigious hook. You're culpable because you could have prevented and yet … you didn't. You chose stupidity over common sense and you should pay ... heavily. I think a precedent should be set. Why not start with you, UCC?

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot. You did do all you could do. Silly me. You had one Barney Fife security cop with pepper spray and a plastic badge to protect 3000 students when a mass-murderer, with multiple weapons, strode onto your campus ready to kill. Speaking of your security guard, where the heck was he when the crap was hitting the fan? Do tell.

This is simple: Gun Free Zones are target rich environments. That's why I do not frequent them and I'd advise all those reading to do the same.

Dear Christian: Next time a killer asks you, “Are you a Christian?”, please kill that SOB for us all. If you're unable to put him down and you're around other Christians that he intends to slaughter, then have a pre-arranged pact that one of the brethren will grab the shooter and the other saints will beat and choke the Be-Jesus out of him. In Christian love, of course.

For those who think I'm being un-Christlike with that advice, I don't believe that Jesus would have passively allowed for such a slaughter without opening up a giant, Big Gulp sized can of holy whup ass on the perp. And if for some weird reason the real Jesus would be against my advice, then he's going to just have to forgive me because I don't believe in letting a murderous ass-monkey rule and ruin innocent kids' lives. Can I get a witness?!

Oh, and by the way, Obama didn't seem to make too big of a deal over Christians being picked out and slaughtered, did he? Can you imagine his response if it were Muslim kids that were targeted?


What has happened to our culture that one, lone Army vet, namely, Chris Mitz, fought back heroically trying to save other students. Sure he got shot, but there is no telling how many lives he saved grappling with the gun- wielding goon. What has happened to our culture is we have been systematically pussified. And that needs to change, STAT.

Parents, pastors and mentors please … for the love of God ... teach your charges that there is this thing called “sacrifice” and that it is a virtue, especially when utilized in the saving of another precious life.

With that said, I think as long as schools and businesses are going to live with their heads up their backsides in “Gun Free Zones”, there should be “Mass-Murder Drills” mandated in all schools too daft to allow for concealed weapons.

I mean ... why not? In my day, we had them for fire and tornadoes. Mass-murderers are killing way more than fire and twisters are so ... why not have a plan for when a whiny dillweed disgraces your campus with ill-intent? One shooter cannot take on a classroom of thirty who won't put up with his crap.

I know the above is not pretty or pleasant, but when foul zombies can walk into a classroom and kill innocent college students, as far as I’m concerned, the gloves have officially come off. My advice to students, professors and school administrators is to forego the pep rallies for a while and, instead, have a “Stomp the Sh*t Out Of The Next Perp Prep Rally.” You’ve got to unite. Develop a strategy.

Lastly, I can't wait 'til the headlines read: “Killer walks into class to kill Christians and the Christians killed him instead.” Call me simple. Call me a redneck. Call me whatever the heck you wanna call me—but until we allow credible and licensed, proven and protective profs and students to carry a weapon on campus, we will see this murderous madness occur again and again and again.

Long live the right to keep and bear arms.


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