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If America Goes Down the Toilet: I'm Blaming Lame Pastors

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

Our country is in a crap sling of gastronomical proportions. I was going to say astronomical but this thing is more gassy than it is interplanetary.

You wanna know how messed up we’ve become?

Well, for one, Kim Kardashian has 43 million followers on Instagram just waiting for her to post a pic of her ample ass-ets. Secondly, social media dipsticks think Cecil The Lion’s plight was/is more important than Planned Parenthood's dealing aborted baby body parts. Thirdly, there are actually people in this country, who call themselves Americans, who’re contemplating making Hillary Clinton president.

Look, as far as I’m concerned, Hillary shouldn’t be allowed to sell moon crickets at Skeeter’s Bait Shop on Lake Pontchartrain, much less run our nation; and if this was 1773 that evil clown would have been jailed for treason and left to rot in jail until her teeth turned brown.

In addition to peeps actually contemplating Hillary for President, the Right’s answer to the potential Hildebeest acid-trip is Donald Trump.

Now, don’t get me wrong … I love what Trump is doing both to the Left and the Right, in stirring the putrid political pot, but I’m a guessin’ that even Trump has to be befuddled that he has to pony up to fix this slop.

So, how’d we arrive at such a gloomy place, where we would elect Obama twice, a junior state senator whose claim to fame was writing two books about himself: and where many are actually thinking about heaving Hillary’s haggard backside into the Oval Office to sit behind the same desk where Bill shagged Monica?

While everyone is running around playing pin the blame-tail on the donkey, trying to super-glue responsibility for our nation’s decades long complicated demise, I’d like to put the church at the top of the culpability flow chart. Yes, I blame the brethren, in particular ministers, for not stemming the tide on our nation’s abysmal slide.

The last 40-plus years of ecclesiastical “influence” has allowed for political corruption to take place that would’ve never seen the light of day from pastors who were here during our country’s conception. Yep, the majority of ministers that were kicking around during our nation's founding and framing wouldn’t have let this smack go down on their watch. Oh, hell no.

No, matter of fact, America’s early ministers, unapologetically, poured lighter fluid on our original revolt against political tyrants. They weren’t ministers who were preaching for financial profit, longing to be Charisma magazine’s playmate of the month, but were instead veritable founts of political offense if you were peddling enslavement to government goons. Yes, they were holy, ticked-off fire-brands unafraid to rebuke political pigs that wished to enslave us.

The original pastors were rebels. Our current crop of clergy are like Obadiah’s “prophets” hiding in caves from Hillary… I mean Jezebel. The New England clergy fueled The American Revolution because they loved this thing called liberty and independence more than life and they had no problem whatsoever destroying political pariahs who sought to enslave people to big government jackasses.

If America is going to go forward into greatness then the Elijahs of God are going to have to come forth and get a whip and start clearing the punks.

Let us pray…



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