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OPINION

I Went to Bed a Christian and Woke Up a … Terrorist?

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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According to the Department of Defense and the Department of Homeland Security, evangelical Christians are now a national security threat. I’m talkin’ at the top of the list folks. As Gomer Pyle used to say, “Surprise, Surprise, Surprise” eh, Christians?

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Under the New Rules enacted by these agencies under this administration’s tutelage the following acts are now to cause red flags of “terrorism” to fly, alerting cops and military personnel to a new group[s] which could start blowing crap up like the other group that we can no longer speak the truth about.

So, herewith, I guess, are some of the characteristics of the “newfangled” terrorists in the United States of Statism.

· If you enjoy singing How Great Thou Art and Amazing Grace – you might be a terrorist.

· If you say “bless their heart” after you hear that someone did something really, really stupid – you might be a terrorist.

· If you believe Jeremiah was a prophet and not a bullfrog – you might be a terrorist.

· If you feel obligated to say you’ll pray for someone after you’ve gossiped about them – you might be a terrorist.

· If you watched The Bible on the History Channel and thought it was badass – you might be a terrorist.

· If you believe it’s wrong and ungodly to hijack airplanes and jam them into skyscrapers full of innocent people – then you might be a terrorist.

· If you think Billy Graham has been a great gift to our nation – you might be a terrorist.

· If you celebrate Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter – you might be a terrorist.

· If you made the day you got saved your birthday on your Facebook page verses the day you actually popped out of your mama’s bottom – you might be a terrorist.

· If you give money towards the preaching of the gospel and to works of charity – you might be a terrorist.

· If you love your neighbor as yourself – you might be a terrorist.

· If you recognize, appreciate and wish to pass on to the next generation America’s godly heritage – you might be a terrorist.

· If you like the Declaration of Independence, our Constitution and the Bill of Rights – you might be terrorist.

· If you have Jesus Take the Wheel on your iPod – you might be a terrorist.

· If as a single man, you have told a homely single lady that, “all you’re looking for is a godly woman and that you don't care that she’s not attractive." – you might be a terrorist.

· If you believe Jesus is Lord and not the state – you might be a terrorist.

· If you raise your kids to be productive, independent and righteous kids who love God and our country and not be narcissistic entitlement hookers – you might be a terrorist.

· If you believe love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs and does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth - you might be a terrorist.

· If you believe the Golden Rule is a pretty legit tenet to live by – you might be a terrorist.

· If you have a fish sticker on your mini van – you might be a terrorist.

· If you take umbrage that you would get pitched as a terrorist because all of the aforementioned Christian stuff – well … you might be a terrorist.

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Yes my brethren, your love for God and country has caused thou to be deemed a menace to our national progress at least as the Leftists’ deem progress. Congratulations.

On April 4th 2013 we found out that an Army Reserve Training Brief put Evangelicals on the top of the danger list as religious extremists. They put us sola fide boys and girls above Al Qaeda, the Muslim Brotherhood and Hamas. To these wizards, Billy and his son Franklin Graham are way scarier than Khalid Sheik Mohammed and his ubiquitous murderous ilk.

Oh, I almost forgot. This brief also crapped on Catholics and Jews. Yes, you too are terror threats to our country according to someone somewhere inside the beltway. I wonder who would be churning out such nonsense like this? Hmmm.

Indeed, according to “them” we must forget the fact that it’s been nutty Muslims that have terrorized us for the last couple of decades and that it’s been radical leftists that have aggressively eroded our constitutional liberties. Parts of our armed forces and police departments have been told to just white all that stuff out and believe that it’s guys like Chuck Norris who are the real hazard that our cops and our military need to be concerned about.

Welcome to the jungle.

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