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Ma, Ma, Ma, My Solyndra

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

The community where I live is upgrading our Comcast cable services—which means that I won’t have Fox News on the third floor of my hacienda until they get out to my place and give me whatever fancy box I need.

I had no idea how addicted I had become to Fox. I now know what Charlie Sheen must feel like when he’s out of smokes and hookers. It’s rough. Being the pit bull that I am, I’ve been trying to plow on ‘til Comcast comes out by watching MSNBC and the local Miami news. 

What I’ve found interesting during this forced Fox hiatus is that none of the stations at the particular times I’ve been watching are saying squat about the breaking $535 million Solyndra scandal which shamefully and directly points to Obama and Biden. Silencio conspicuoso, you know what I mean-o?

What you will hear these twits yodel about are the evil machinations of Rupert Murdoch (who allegedly had poor Sienna Miller’s smutty emails hacked), the dangerous arsenic levels in apple juice, or the possible cronyism behind Rick Perry’s HPV vaccine initiative. As they blather about Rick’s supposed dirty deed, I’m thinkin’, “Cronyism? You want to talk cronyism? Okay, let’s talk Solyndra.”

For those in my ‘hood who temporarily lost Fox during our cable upgrade—or for the poor saps who, for whatever reason, are not hip to the spectacle that is Solyndra—here’s the basic 411 on one of Obama’s half-billion dollar green stimulus babies.

  • Solyndra is—oops, I mean was—a California solar energy company that scored a $535 million taxpayer-funded loan last year from BHO and his boys to save the earth via 1,100 tree humpers in lab coats cranking out solar panels.
  • Prior to hitting the Obama loan lotto, both the President and Biden actually visited Solyndra and hyped it to us plebes as both sliced bread and Christmas for our flailing economy and our future as a super duper power.
  • One year later (like, as in twelve months) after Solyndra had deposited the $535,000,000 check, the company mysteriously went tits up and declared Chapter 11. Oops! 
  • Now, the 1,100 workers that Solyndra employed are sitting on their couches eating ramen and watching The Price is Right on their solar paneled TVs while they fill out unemployment docs for more drachmas from China and our great grandchildren’s piggy banks.
  • The coincidence in all this is that when folks started poking around and wondering how a company goes bust during just one season of American Idol after receiving more than half a billion dollars, they found that, lo and behold, the major shareholders and execs of Solyndra were Obama’s buddies who helped fund his ‘08 bid for the White House. 
  • One cat, George Kaiser, had even visited the White House 16 times in the last two years—which I believe is 14 more times than Biden has actually been there. What a coincidence that his business would get such a massive check for such a crappy company? Wow. What are the chances? 
  • Another interesting ditty is that the loan Kaiser finagled for Solyndra guaranteed George and his pals could recoup their losses in case Solyndra folded, but that the taxpayers would be screwed as far as any retrieval of their cash goes.
  • And all this went down in the face of Solyndra showing five years of $500 million in losses with everybody and their dog screaming at the President not to support the company.

But somehow the aforementioned is not worth mentioning by various news outlets.  

Here’s my guess as to why they don’t want to talk about Solyndra: It busts the fantastic fable they’re foisting on us on several different levels. Here are a couple myths it hammers:

  1. It shatters the Obama All-Wise Money Spender spell they’re trying to dazzle us with as they queue up to blow through another proposed half trillion dollars we don’t have.
  2. It also reeks not of “Hope & Change” but of Chicago-based BS cronyism at its finest. 

Welcome, my friends, to the machine. We need some Woodwards and Bernsteins on this thing ASAP.

* Oh, BTW.  Please watch The Daily Show’s,Jon Stewart slam dance Obama over Solyndra.

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