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OPINION

Now You're Messin' with a Son of a B*tch!

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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Apparently, I need to get a new dictionary. Yep, according to Teamsters President Jimmy Hoffa the definition of a “son of a bitch” has changed.

Originally, “son of a bitch” (n), was a term chiefly used in the United States to describe an odious scallywag whom everyone disliked or something that was very difficult or unpleasant, such as, “that lug nut on that wheel was one tight son of a bitch.”

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Additionally, “son of a bitch” was used to express surprise, disappointment or anger. For instance, I hear that’s what Ted Nugent shouted last year when he bumped into Rosie O’Donnell before she had her hair and makeup done for O’Reilly’s show.

Well, little children, according to Señor Hoffa, we may now call a huge percentage of Americans “sons of bitches” if such individuals …

1. Want to reduce government spending, 2. Believe that they’re taxed enough already, 3. Would like to see a reduction of the national debt and federal budget deficit, 4. Adhere to an originalist interpretation of the United States Constitution, 5. Want to see a reduction in the size and intrusiveness of government, 6. And no likey government-run healthcare—better known as Obamacare.

Yep, all you freaks, according to the well-modulated Hoffa, are one and all a bunch of “son of a bitches” [sic] who must be “taken out.”

Not only has Hoffa defined the vast majority of honest, working hard, playing hard patriots as the offspring of a dog and called for us to be … uh … “taken out” … but congresswoman Maxine Waters also said that those of us who hold to the aforementioned six points above can “go to hell.”

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Really, Maxine? You want those who prefer less government intrusion and who see socialism as a failed/feckless form of government to go to the abode of devils, Adolf Hitler and Amy Winehouse? Well heck, Maxi … that ain’t nice!

I don’t know why she’s so angry. Maybe it’s because that wig she wears is just too tight and makes her frustrated and thus she spills out on folks she wouldn’t normally want to hurt. Who knows?

Well, in all honesty I’d rather be called a “son of a bitch” than give up on the American dream for a socialistic nightmare.

Matter of fact, I’ll go a step farther and say that all who feel as I do should embrace our sonsabitchesness and revel in the fact that the esprit de corps is still alive and well in the U.S. of A. and forewarn these freaks that we intend to take this nation back to its original roots.

With that in mind, I think we need a song that embraces our new name, our attitude, and the opposition that we the people will bring to those who oppose our nation’s great foundations.

Without further ado, I present to you a new Tea Party anthem to be sung to Hoffa and his ilk to the tune of Nazareth’s great 70s hit, “Hair of the Dog.”

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Sing it loud, you marvelous sonsabitches!

Law breaker, deal maker
I've been told about you
Steamroller, midnight stroller
What they've been saying must be true

Bridge:

full o’ drama
Brass knuckle charmer
Time’s come to pay your dues

Chorus:

Now you’re messin’ with a
A son of a bitch
Now you’re messin’ with a son of a bitch
Now you’re messin’ with a
A son of a bitch
Now you’re messin’ with a Tea Party son of a bitch!

Talkin’ jivey, poison ivy

You ain’t a big thing to me
Nation breaker, born taker
I ain’t so blind I can’t see

Bridge

Chorus

Oh, and one more thing: Get my buddy Chris Loesch’s new t-shirt, Tea Party SOB, right here! Show your pride, people. Get one for your granny. 2012 can’t get here quick enough.

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