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Obama Makes a Political Booty Call to the Church

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of

What’s this? Obama now needs the Church—which he’s been regularly dissing—to come to his aid and help “prod Congress” to pass his Health Scare Deform Swill? Well, la-di-da. In the words of the angry and bad serial dater, Alanis Morissette, “Isn’t it ironic, don’t ‘cha think? A little too ironic, and yeah, I really do think.”

Barack’s call to believers this past week is the political equivalent of the phenomenon randy kiddos in our culture refer to as a “booty call.”

For those not familiar with the term “booty call,” it’s the anxious, last minute, late in the game, last ditch, frantic and insincere BS-laden personal gratification phone call made by a manipulative, narcissistic man to a gullible and needy girl who has been, heretofore, summarily blown off by said guy for other girls.

Yep, in his pursuit of “better things,” the dude, unsuccessful in his new venture, will once again return to the girl he knows is easy and still hopeful that the load of crap he’s about to spew, in his desperate call to gratify his lusts, will finally come true. Fueled on false hope and therefore open to lies, the gullible girl easily caves to the caller’s wishes—only to be left in the dust after the guy gets what he wants, leaving the booty callee feeling very used and deceived. This is exactly what Obama be doin’. True dat.

In a move that would make Saul Alinsky proud, Obama is now calling on Christians for help. As the Church Lady would say, “Well isn’t that special?” I wonder why he didn’t call me? I’m a Christian. I have a weekly column tens of thousands far and wide read. I have a radio show on the IRN/USA Radio Network. Hmmm. That’s weird. No call. Any who . . .

Let me get this straight, Mr. President, in regard to who you’re calling: Would this be the same group of Christians you’ve been ticking off for the last several months?

Are you, Barack, reaching out your hand to the religious folks you backhanded in San Francisco during the election, calling them “bitter and clingy?” Oops!

Is it the same group of Christians that took offense at you covering up Christian symbols when you spoke at Georgetown University? Forgot about that one, didn’t you? We didn’t.

Would it also be the group of Christians that didn’t dig you saying America isn’t a Christian nation while on your America Sucks European Apology Tour? I know, nobody’s perfect, eh?

Is this the same flock that does not, how would you say . . . “embrace” . . . your radical stances on abortion and isn’t too cool with your proposed federal funding for abortion in your unread Health Care legislation?

Are these Christians the very ones whom the darling liberal organization, the ACLU, regularly threatens to sue when they pray over a meal at school or say something remotely conservative from the pulpit, or on TV, or on the radio? Shouldn’t Barry Lynn be on TV right now moaning and groaning about the separation of church and state? Where are you Barry, you little Nancy boy? C’mon Lynn, condemn the president, you gutless girlfriend. Sorry, I got in the flesh there. Let me resume my query.

Would this be the faithful crowd your twerps have referred to as the Taliban, Nazis, unpatriotic mobs, or the folks the Department of Homeland Security advises should be watched for potential terrorist attacks against our God-blessed nation? Huh?

Lastly, is this the same group of Christians whom Pelosi, the Left-bent mainstream media, liberal Hollywood, the blogosphere and liberal comedians summarily whiz on at every opportunity? Would that be the bunch you’d wish to cheerlead for Thy cause? Because if it be, B-HO, you might find yourself SOL, namely, sure outta luck. You want us to support you? Yeah, and people in hell want ice water. Ain’t gonna happen.

Obama is using the God mallet in his awkward, frantic attempts to sway the masses, the same mallet that clobbered Bush when he used it. Come on, MSNBC, Obama’s talking like a theocrat. Go get him! He’s yammering on about God, morals and sin! WTH? Why are you so silent, Bill Maher? Christopher Hitchens, where’s your outrage, old chap?

Obama’s calling Christians. Now that’s funny, I don’t care who you are. What’s next? Is B-HO going to call the NRA for support? Or maybe he’s going to give the Jewish community a jingle (because this Hamas-endorsed president is no pal of Israel). What? He already did? I told you so. It’s just a matter of time before our cocoa Chrysostom rings Lapierre for a little health care yak.

Regarding WWJD: Well, from what I gather from the Gospels, Jesus didn’t heal everybody and was definitely no fan of the big government that eventually killed Him. Selah. And if we’re going to ponder His divine thoughts about health care, what about His other stuff like salvation, sin, sacrifice and obedience? Do I here crickets chirping? Dipsticks.

And lastly—forgive me for rambling—my advice to pastors contemplating prodding congress to pass this 1,100-page diaper wipe: I hope you’re close with Obama because you might need him for a bailout. Yep, I’m afraid that if your congregation finds out about your giddiness over His Highness’ health edict you’re going to see a drop in your attendance and a big slash in your tithe when they discover you stand behind this socialistic mess.

Church, understand this: What Obama did this past week in giving us a buzz was a booty call. Nothing more and nothing less than a call for relief from someone who is not getting what he wants to those he thinks are stupid and thus easy.

(And please check out my tasty music video homage to Obama’s administration here on YouTube.)

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