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Memphis High School: Reading, Writing and Bumping & Grinding

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The purveyors of porn have got to be chuffed after watching Memphis school kids hump (en masse) both the floor and each other during Mitchell High School’s “talent show” this month. Yep, it doesn’t look as if sellers of smut are going to be taking an additional night job to pay bills anytime soon because they have formally tapped the teenage market. At least in Memphis they have. Good job, Memphis.


And these kids weren’t the least bit shy about their peccadilloes either, folks. This crop of postmodern punks is proud of their penchants; they have been Porn Again, and they’re unashamed. They posted their vomit on YouTube under the moniker “Mitchell High School Memphis . . . Rape Dat Ho.” Rape that whore? Wow.

This cultural death knell wasn’t performed and filmed in some dark alley or private basement but at a government-funded public school. And it was executed in the face of certain spineless, numb nut, morally vacuous teachers and administrators, to boot. Yes, the kids bumped uglies, simulated oral sex acts and rape while some barely teen girls danced so provocatively they made Jenna Jameson look like a stocky, lazy-eyed seamstress with arthritis and a bum hip, all while the staff watched.

Like I said, business is looking good for the Smutmeisters. That is if the lecherous high school losers in Memphis represent teens across our formerly great land. And I’m afraid, generally speaking, that they do. A massive swath of American youth has turned into ravenous beasts, uncivil animals governed by the gibbering monkey within their pants.

I’m sorry. That was over the top. I apologize to animals everywhere because I know you have never acted like the addle-pate Darwinian leftovers in Memphis did. Please forgive me. I must confess that I have seen you many times while hunting, in full rut, acting with more dignity than these dingleberries. These particular humans are way worse than you, my four-legged friends. So for that, I am sorry. But I’m still going to hunt you and eat your back straps come this fall. No offense.


Some dolt is thinking right now while reading this, “this Memphis High School stuff ain't no new or big thang! Kids will be kids. Why, when we were young we went wild, had sex and got drunk . . . blah, blah, blah.” Okay, I’ll grant you that. But it wasn’t during home room. And it wasn’t in front of our teachers, principals and parents (they would have broken our teeth). And when we were young one quarter of all teenage girls didn’t have some STD growing mold on or around their privy parts (50% of black teenage girls have an STD! 50%, boys. Forget the condom. Get a Hazmat suit). Yes, Slingblade, I beg to differ with you: There is a big difference from our day and today, both in the purveyance of porn and the disease-based penalties one pays for participation.

Look, if I were a teenager today I would not be sexually active. The reason being? Well, I’d like to say it would be solely motivated because I was “on fire” for God, but I’d be lying. It would be because I wouldn’t want to be “on fire” with a festering, cauliflowered, pus-laden, reoccurring sore showing up on my wedding tackle for the rest of my life. But that’s just me.

So, who can we blame for this month’s “Rape Dat Ho” public school show? Well, I blame first and foremost the kids themselves. Look, Lube Skywalker, no matter how much your life might suck and no matter how confused you are, you’re still responsible for getting a life and acting civilly. If I were you I’d take all that time you have obviously utilized in perfecting shaking that thang and use it to learn how to read and write. That is if you want to be able to sign your unemployment check post graduation.


In addition, I fault the parents of these paranormal little people. Thanks for not doing your job, dillweeds. Also, major props go to rap and hip hop horn dogs who have coarsened our culture exponentially. You guys have added nothing to our country except making it more base and vile.

And lastly, I’d like to condemn the timid teachers at Mitchell High and their incompetent administrators who did not have the decency nor the courage to stand up against this public display of impropriety squared when they were looking at it right in the eye.


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