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OPINION

My Record Stood Out!

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

Have you ever known anyone who speaks out without stopping, no matter what anyone else is saying or what else is going on? Think Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and her ilk who chomp onto it once they have their narrative fed to them like a German Shepard holding on to the other end of a piece of rope you need. It’s frightening how stupidity can cause absolute certainty in leftists. In fundraising, it can cause irredeemable stupidity, and since progressives live in a world of ignorant certainty, it must be working.

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“Your record stood out,” the subject line of the email from the Democratic Senatorial Campaign Committee read. I was shocked, considering I’ve never given as much as a penny to any left-wing cause, let alone a Democratic Party organization. So, just for fun, I decided to read it. You never know; maybe they would chastise me for never giving, and that’s how my record stood out. I would have accepted that a nice, “Hey jerk off, you’ve never given us anything. What’s the deal? The cost per email we send is next to nothing, but it’s not anything – we paid good money for a list of emails yours was on. How about a buck or two?”

No such luck. An email like that would show a sense of self-awareness and actually have the pathway of communication between the party and its members, being a two-way street. Since I’m not a Democrat, I actually find it amusing – I suspect it will ultimately be self-destructive to Democrats as donors and potential donors begin to notice the insulting way in which their party views them. It hasn’t happened yet, and they do communicate with their supporters in some of the dumbest ways imaginable, but maybe someday, the line will be crossed with these people. 

Until then, the stupidity continues. 

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The email opens, “Hi Derek -- Christie here, Executive Director of the DSCC. When I looked through our past survey responses, I was very impressed with your level of enthusiasm. In fact, you were more active than 90 percent of Democrats in our database!”

This is impossible unless 90 percent of their subscribers actively despise them and only open their emails in order to mock them. Or maybe they're all dead, like a good chunk of their voters in Chicago and Philadelphia? My complete contempt for everything Democrat Party would, in that case, make me a slightly better and more active Democrat donor than the names on tombstones. But only slightly.

It continues, “We defied history and expanded our Senate majority last year because we partnered with folks like you. Now, we NEED your help to do it again.” You didn’t have my help doing it in the first place – I didn’t support the nomination of Dr. Oz, Herschel Walker, or any of the other unelectable candidates who used a driver with a full swing on a tap-in putt of an election that was someone else. Maybe the DSCC should send fundraising emails to those candidates since they did more to elect Democrats than anyone else.

“We're launching a high-priority focus group that's ONLY open to Democrats who've proven their commitment to winning -- and you’re in the top 10% of Democrats who made the cut. So please, Derek, accept your invitation by taking this survey right away,” it reads, then ends with, “I’m excited to have you on the team!” 

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I’m not on the team, but I clicked the link anyway because why not? It led to a “super-important survey” of a couple of leading questions that ended with you giving them money. That’s it. What you answer matters not at all; the choices are stupid, as must be the people who wrote them. What that says about what Democrats think of the people who will read them, I’ll leave it up to you. 

I will, however, invite you to see it all for yourself. While a subsequent email reiterated the importance of this “survey,” they wrote, “Only a select few of our most committed grassroots Democrats were chosen for this incredible opportunity, so you have a rare chance to help shape our vital 2024 Senate strategy and defeat Republicans next year!” 

Near the end they add, “**NOTE: Please do not share this link with anyone, as it may corrupt our data**” I wouldn’t want to “corrupt their data,” but I couldn’t help but notice it didn’t matter what you answered, even if you wrote “I hate Democrats” in every “other” option. 

Then I checked the link. It did include my name and email address, so at least the “answers” I gave were tied to me. But I was still skeptical, so I changed my name to Tito Johnson in the link and made up something random for my email. Surely a group concerned about the corruption of their data would boot me out of their survey, right? Nope.

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My record stood out, then the entire house of cards collapsed. I invite you to check out their survey, through the name I made up, by clicking here. But remember, this is super-important, so only prepare for it. You wouldn’t want to corrupt their game-changing data. 

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