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OPINION
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Adam Schiff: Scumbag

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Adam Schiff really is one of the most disgusting creatures to ever roam the halls of Congress, and there have been a lot of disgusting creatures elected to Congress. A lot of them have used their positions to enrich themselves or “bed” young staffers, even both, but few have been more exploitative of their position than Schiff. No, I don’t think he’s sleeping with young staffers (there are limits to the appeal of power and the staffers would have to stop vomiting at the prospect long enough to engage in the act, which seems impossible), but he has made his name exploiting the stupidity of his constituents. While that is usually a business model for a small geographic area, Adam is from California, so the possibilities are endless.

He’s not seeking the soon to be vacant Senate seat out on the left coast. This champion of diversity is running against minorities and women because, ultimately, he’s a fraud who’s only in anything for himself. 

That’s why you know the name “Adam Schiff.” He has the face of someone who ate paste far into high school and the demeanor of the kid who always told the teacher who talked when they left the room. He’s like Stewie Griffin come to life, if Stewie gave off a “I molest small woodland creatures” vibe. In other words, you really do have to ask who the hell supports this guy?

I get that his Congressional district is deep, deep blue – it’s California, finding a concentration of idiots who’d vote for Democrats is like finding a blade of grass on a golf course – but you really have to wonder who he ran against in the past to be the option they went with. I’m not talking about any Republicans, they don’t stand a chance in his district, but the Democrats he ran against in primaries…were they drooling murderers? Were they injecting themselves with heroin from the podium during campaign events? Did they promise to personally set fire to the houses and cars of everyone in the district while throwing puppies into a wood chipper? What does it take to be the “worse option” against Adam Schiff?

But he’s running, hard. I don’t know most of the rest of the field as the primary is shaping up, aside from rotund Katie Porter, whose ex-husband is probably still feeling like he’d just gotten released from prison after their divorce in 2013. She might be the only person in the state who could give Schiff a run for his money on being simply gross, and I write that knowing full-well than Maxine Waters is from the state too. 

Still, Schiff is my favorite. Liberals love him because he’s one of them – rabidly left-wing and white (you didn’t really think they care about diversity, did you?). He’s also been a very good dog for the left, so they know they can count on him.

Most Members of the House Intelligence Committee don’t exploit the trust they’re given when serving on that committee and lie about national security related issues to line their campaign pockets or manipulate the public. Adam Schiff did, constantly.

What makes Schiff a special kind of slime is as Chairman of that committee, he used his title to tell lie after lie about Donald Trump and Republicans, namely Devin Nunes, to get dumb people who remain unbothered by promises that are never kept to give him money. California has no shortage of people like that. “Well, he’s Chair of the Intel Committee, so he must know things we don’t and wouldn’t lie,” muttered morons as they entered their credit card information on his campaign website. 

Honestly, I don’t care which Democrat California sends (and you know it will be a Democrat), as long as it’s not Schiff. There isn’t a winner in the bunch, and there won’t be, but if Schiff is rewarded with a promotion it will only further degrade our country. There won’t be a dime’s worth of difference between the candidates aside from skin color and gender, and it’s possible that the rest of the field will out-woke each other and split the vote to the point that Schiff skates by. I hope not.

There has to be some kind of stand on the left, doesn’t there? There must be a bottom for them to hit; a bridge that is, in fact, too far, right? Actually, there probably isn’t. I guess we’ll find out. But if Schiff wins, expect Eric Swalwell to eye the other Senate seat or the Governor’s mansion out there. Because if Schiff isn’t too disgusting for California, Fang-Fang’s boy-toy won’t be either. Maybe the state will fall into the ocean like I was promised when I was a kid…

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