Burn It All Down

Derek Hunter
|
Posted: Sep 08, 2016 12:01 AM
Burn It All Down

I shudder to think what it’d be like to be a kid now. The whole world at your fingertips, the sum total of human knowledge on a screen in your pocket and modern Nazis policing your every word and thought.

Sending your child to many colleges is akin to enrolling them in the Hitler Youth or sending them to a Soviet reeducation camp…for $50,000 per year.

My wife and I don’t yet have kids, but if we do they either earn a scholarship or they’re on their own. Not one penny I’ve ever picked up off the ground, let alone anything I’ve earned, will go to these tenured “Red Guard” factories. Sorry, kid.

Of all the junk mail I get, and I get a lot, the pieces that make me laugh most aren’t the gutter cleaning fliers or the weird coupons in the Valpak. It’s the fundraising solicitations from my alma mater. They come couched in everything from happy hours with other alums in the area to cruises to celebrate something or other. They hit the trash so fast you’d think Usain Bolt lived here.

I don’t understand people who donate to their colleges. Maybe it has something to do with loyalty to their sports teams. I don’t remember what my school’s mascot was.

Whatever the reason, the tuition they got is all they’ll ever see from me. If they discovered I had an overdue library book and sent me a bill, I’d happily ruin my credit rather than settle.

My bucket list now includes living long enough to cost them enough in wasted, bulk rate postage to recoup a semester’s worth of tuition. Unrealistic? Perhaps. But so was the thought I’d ever make a living speaking and writing, so a guy can dream…

Now that I think I’ve made my point, let me explain it.

Last year, the University of Missouri went straight to 11 on the stupid meter when racial protests over bogus claims reached a fever pitch, spoiled brats camped out on campus for “justice,” a professor called for “muscle” to remove a student journalist, and the president of the university resigned in disgrace.

I don’t care how stupid people act. I care when stupid people demand other people act in accordance with their stupidity. The stupidity in Missouri is spreading like Zika at a swamp party.

The New York Times reports, rather gleefully, colleges are now including “training” for incoming freshmen (how long are we going to be allowed to use that sexist word?) to ensure they don’t engage in “subtle insults” against other students.

Sheree Marlowe, who serves as the “chief diversity officer” at Clark University, warns incoming students against “microaggressions.”

Microaggressions “are comments, snubs or insults that communicate derogatory or negative messages that might not be intended to cause harm but are targeted at people based on their membership in a marginalized group,” the Times reports Marlowe as describing them. Remember, she gets paid for this. (I’m microaggressing here, assuming Marlowe identifies as a cisnormative woman and assigning a pronoun based on that microaggression. I’m a monster.)

According to The Times, Marlow warns not to say “you guys” because it could be interpreted as leaving out women. She learned this was offensive, she said, when someone confronted her for saying it during a presentation.

Forget burning for all eternity, Hell is taking out a massive loan for your own indoctrination by the credit hour.

These ivy-covered Nuremburgs aren’t without pushback. The University of Missouri saw a massive drop in incoming freshmen after the school caved to the left. Donations from alums are down at many schools across the country as well. Good. Don’t give the bastards a dime.

The revolution may or may not be televised, but if these institutions have their way, it will be subsidized. The University of Wisconsin system, the Times reports, is seeking $6 million in additional state funding “to improve what it called the “university experience” for students. The request includes money for Fluent, a program described as a systemwide cultural training for faculty and staff members and students.”

Like it or not, thanks to spineless politicians, we’re all going to end up paying to “safe space” campuses.

Burn it down.

The only way to restore sanity is to choke the lifeblood out of the insanity. Public or private, wherever you went, no matter how much you loved it or care about their sports teams, cut them off. Make these bastions of unmarketable gender and ethnic studies degrees compete to stay alive. Let’s macro-aggress against microaggressions. Universities have been immune from reality for so long their their indoctrinated zombie hoards are set to spread their disease beyond their walls. Burn it all down.

To the special liberal snowflakes out there plump with unearned self-esteem and full of what would be better left in an outhouse, it’s probably best you spare yourself four years of amassing debt and just stay in your parents’ basement. Your degree in 1940s bi-sexual polar bear studies isn’t going to land you a job anyway.