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The Sad, Sorry Life of Julia

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.

“Half of what I say is meaningless, but I say it just to reach you, Julia.” The Beatles

That song was written about a combination of John Lennon’s mother and his budding relationship with Yoko Ono. This week, with the advent of a mythical “Julia,” the Obama campaign has given that line new meaning. So much of what the campaign says is meaningless, but it is said just to fool voters. And sadly, this sort of propaganda works on an alarming number of Americans. (Sandra Fluke, anyone?)


When not appealing to people based on race, sexual orientation or through class warfare, Democrats return to their default divisive issues – genitals. Fake ones in this case, but genitals nonetheless.

The Obama campaign created a woman named “Julia,” who can be described only as an eye-less albino woman who, as she ages, wears only a skirt between the ages of 25 and 67, then goes back to pants, and seems to think her right side is her “good side” since it’s the only one she ever shows.

In addition to that, and a seeming love of pastels, Julia is a parasite on society and the antithesis of what modern feminists are supposed to be.

As a child, Julia is shuttled off to a Head Start program at age 3 that even the government says is a waste of money and makes no difference in the future academic success of children. The site touts President Obama’s commitment to Head Start, which makes sense because it’s a big government failure.

Next we see Julia at age 17, ready to take the SAT and apply to college. It’s not because she’s smart or because of her hard work, it’s because President Obama Race to the Top program dumped more cash into the coffers of teachers unions.

There’s nothing about any work put in by Julia to accomplish what she has, just information on how Mitt Romney wants to cut funding to public schools to give tax breaks to millionaires – Democrats’ default position on everything.

There’s also no mention of how the United States spends more money on education than any other country, yet our test scores for important core curricula keep falling. Or the DC Opportunity Scholarship Program so poor students in the nation’s capitol can escape some of the most expensive and least-performing schools in the country. That’s probably because President Obama has tried to end the program every year he’s been in the White House as a nod to his union patrons – even as he sends his children to one of the most exclusive private schools in the country.


At 18, Julia is ready to suckle the government teat for money for college. Her parents, who finally enter the story, get a $10,000 tax credit, and she gets a Pell Grant. The site says this “puts a college education within reach.” I don’t know what school Julia went to, but Pell Grants cover most of tuition if you don’t choose a ridiculously expensive school. Also missing from this lovely story is any sense Julia plans to pay for any of this herself. Did she qualify for scholarships? Did she work on the side? Did she take any responsibility for herself or just rely on government handouts?

When she’s 22, Julia needs some sort of surgery. They don’t say what kind, but I’m assuming parasites since she’s presumably hanging around Occupy Wall Street camps. The Obama campaign says she’s fine because of Obamacare and the ability to stay on her parents’ insurance until she’s 26. They don’t mention you could stay on your parent’s health insurance if you were in college already. No, big government had to act again to save her from worms or whatever she had.

The next year, Julia is a web designer and ready to sue her employer under the Lilly Ledbetter law because she thinks a man might be getting paid more than her, regardless of whether he’s better at the job or otherwise a more valuable employee. She made a deal. She agreed to work for a certain wage. But then she caught wind someone else made a better deal, and naturally, that entitles her to the other person’s deal.


This is fiction, of course, because there’s no way Julia finds a job right out of college in Obama’s economy. But saying “Julia is depressed, drinks a lot and moved back home hoping to get a job at McDonald’s so she can have some money beyond her food stamps” doesn’t so much convey the message they’re trying to put out here.

Somehow she graduates at 25 – even though she’s the only college student in the country working in her chosen field since age 23 – and, thanks to her hero, President Obama, is ready to start repaying her student loans. She then becomes the only student in recent history who “makes her payment on time every month.” At this point I can’t help but wonder what color the sky is on Julia’s planet.

At 27, Julia is happy again because … “Thanks to Obamacare, her health insurance is required to cover birth control and preventive care, letting Julia focus on her work rather than worry about her health.” Julia is relieved of the burden of spending $9 a month at Wal-Mart to buy her own birth control. This comes in handy if she’s sexually assaulted at an Occupy Wall Street camp, even though progressives and the media tell her the camps are perfectly safe. But don’t worry, Julia. Obamacare will cover your therapy, too!

When she turns 31, she get pregnant. Who is the father? Who knows? No one in the Obama campaign cares either. Who needs a dad when you’ve got government? Frankly, the thought of dating or marrying a woman who has no pupils and is always showing her profile seems unappealing anyway.


When her son, Zachary, is old enough to go to kindergarten, he’s shipped off to school and never, ever heard from again. Thanks to President Obama, schools are so awesome you can just give your kids to them and government will take care of the rest. Parenting is for suckers anyway. Well, not for his kids in their elite private school, but for your kids.

At 42 (and apparently childless again), Julia starts a web business with a Small Business Administration loan. Why Julia felt the need to borrow money to start a business millions of people start from home at minimal expense would be a mystery until you recall how she has relied on government to take care of her since the moment she was born. No one sacrifices for success anymore. They’re entitled to it.

The next time we hear from Julia, she is 65 and signing up for Medicare. This is funny because it assumes Medicare will still be around when Julia not only turns 25, but 65.

The real comedy hits when Julia is 67. It says, “After years of contributing to Social Security, she receives monthly benefits that help her retire comfortably, without worrying that she'll run out of savings.” There’s no talk of reform, which almost everyone sees as necessary if Medicare is to survive. President Obama doesn’t have a plan for this, of course. It just somehow magically survives. No, really. He’s that good.

This occurs even though you can’t survive on Social Security alone today. But Julia lives in a world where government takes care of you every step of the way. What color is that sky again?


Missing from all of this Julia garbage is the fact the country is broke and Julia probably speaks Chinese now since they would own everything.

Never once does it talk about how well Julia does, how successful she becomes. Mostly because she won’t in Obama’s economy, but also because success isn’t really the goal … dependence is. If she becomes wealthy, she could think for herself … she could become the enemy.

And she can’t marry because that would offend lesbians and remind the entire “gay community” that President Obama opposes gay marriage. So Julia lives a lonely life, her son long since gone and forgotten, until she gets cancer at age 71, and the descendents of the bureaucrats Obama empowered to make everyone’s health care decisions for them deem her treatment too expensive and condemn her to death in a government nursing home.

No, of course, that’s not really part of the narrative.

You know what else is not part of the narrative? That she never once stood on her own. If Republicans had created Julia, this would be cause for uproar among feminists. But if Obama said she needed to live a life of dependency, who are they to argue?

Julia’s life has replaced what 100 years ago would’ve been “the role of a man in her life” with government. Julia is not a strong woman. She’s a weak stereotype who depends on big brother for everything in her life.

According to polls, this sort of cradle-to-grave government dependency is appealing to a large percentage of women. This should bother those feminists who tell us constantly they don’t need a man; they can take care of themselves. They don’t need a man but only because they have President Obama and his trillions of dollars of progressive government to meet their every need.


You’ve come a long way, baby…full circle, in fact, right back to where you started.

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