Getting Obama in the Can

Posted: Oct 06, 2012 12:01 AM

As they say in Hollywood, “the results are in the can.” 

Mitt Romney wants to take the video footage of the recent presidential debate and arrange a Hollywood premier complete with limos, spotlights, and the red carpet. 

On the other hand, Barack Obama is wishing that the film could go through extensive editing and a definite rewrite. 

I’ve listened to both sides talk about the President regarding preparedness, his ability to focus, and his seemingly inattention to detail, and it was duly noted. 

But I thought there must have been another problem that nobody was talking about. 

Passing through the Buffalo, NY airport recently, I had the chance to watch and listen to a live broadcast of the President’s campaign stop on that day. 

I didn’t pay much attention to his words; I was more interested to observe where Obama was looking as he spoke. 

In his inimitable style, it was look left, look right, look left, look right, never gazing straight ahead. 

Hmmm, I thought to myself, a possibility.  Then I bought the New York Post because I was entertained by the headlines: “Chokes on Him!”  “Lefty Pals Gag on O’s Debate Disaster.”  “The Only People Who Thought Obama Won Were the Replacement Refs.” 

There were the unusual jabs by Bill Maher, John Stewart, and even Michael Moore.  What was most interesting, however, was that perhaps Al Gore was exactly right when he excused the President’s poor performance because of Denver’s high altitude. 

Yet, the next morning after the debate while still in Denver, the President was delivering one-liners, jabs, and peppy quips, all in the style that we’ve come to know and love in Barack. 

So, obviously, I thought to myself that his dreadful debate performance was due to the adjustment phase that’s needed in order to adapt to Denver’s thin air. 

Then it happened. 

As the television in the airport displayed Obama’s speech, his head moved left, and right, and left, and right. 

A serious mistake was then made and the mystery of Obama’s terrible debate performance was finally solved as the camera panned to the side of the crowd, from behind the President. 

There they were in all their glory, Obama’s obligatory teleprompters. 

Of course Romney won; the poor President went into Wednesday night’s debate with his hands tied behind his back, no teleprompters. 

Whoever made the monumental mistake of not negotiating for the use of the President’s simulated intelligence should be fired immediately. 

Knowing this, I’m quite sure that the next debate will show a much improved President, as his head moves left, right, left, right, left…..