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OPINION

Mr. Schaper Goes to Washington (I Confront Maxine Waters!)

The opinions expressed by columnists are their own and do not necessarily represent the views of Townhall.com.
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They say if you have a problem, you talk to your Congressman. Actually, there are plenty of Congressmen to go to—and go after. This past week, I flew into Washington DC, my first visit to the US Capital (and Capitol!) in over 20 years. Why? The Mother of All Rallies is rolling out at the Washington Mall. We Trump supporters from all over the country are strutting our citizenship prowess. And what perfect timing. The whole capitol is up in arms over amnesty. Trump had a meeting with Cryin’ Chuck and Alzheimer’s Nancy. There’s tweets and talks about legalizing 800,000 illegal aliens---all smuggled in as children into the United States. Finally I could tell congressmen to their faces: “No DACA! No Amnesty! No Open Borders in USA!” 

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This immigration crisis is blowing up, and not just in California. I landed in Dulles Airport on Wednesday, but stayed in Springfield, Virginia before heading into Washington DC. After just 24 hours, I talked with citizens and workers in the region, I was astounded how upset they were about illegal immigration. In the Old Dominion, high schools are now not just multi-ethnic (not a bad thing in itself), but crowded with illegals. Virginia’s housing prices have soared, most service employees are recent arrivals who barely speak English, and the traffic is terrible. I thought I was in Los Angeles!

Now let’s talk about what happened when Mr. Schaper went to Washington.

From where I am staying now, I can walk to the US Capitol in 20 minutes and take on the offices from both sides of Congress. The security is super-tight, and I can’t record live as I am wont to do just about everywhere I go. 

First, The United States Senate: I got pretty decent reception in Dianne Feinstein’s office, but everyone else was shuttering up for the night. I plan more visits next week. The House of Representatives’ office visits were something else: inviting and intense.  Last week, I set up an appointment with one of Congressman Mark Meadows’ (R-North Carolina) staffers. The Chairman of the Freedom Caucus leads a strong conservative team against the swamp-like DC establishment. Thankfully, Meadows discharged Boehner. Let’s hope his caucus can discharge Ryan and the rest of the roll-over RINOs. 

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For 30 minutes, I outlined how badly illegal immigration has turned California to the worse. The media reports the former DACA recipients as nice kids who need lollipops. They are adults in stature, but entitled brats in mentality. Leftist thugs who want to steal America and give themselves (back?) to Mexico, these illegal youths are undermining our country and our culture. Trump and Congress need to learn that we have finally won the media war on immigration, and all this “dreamer” talk is a tired fantasy that won’t hold water.

From that successful meeting I went to Congresswoman Julia Brownley’s office. Brownley is a recent liberal arrival for once-conservative Ventura County. Her staffers were rude and impatient. Her scheduler Katie Gillen interrupted me when I tried to outline my concerns about DACA. The staffer immediately announced that Brownley was siding with the illegals. Shocked, I asked why. Instead of answering my question, Gillen rushed out of the office. Leaving the room, I saw her near a capitol police officer. Two minutes later, five capitol police officers rushed in, three detained me, and one of them wanted to see my ID. What is going on here? This is America, not North Korea. The staffer lied to the police, claiming that I had made racist remarks. Total lie! At least the supervising officer released me to go in peace.

Afterwards, I contacted fellow Trump supporters to put the office on full blast. What is the matter with some of these lawmakers and their staffers? 

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My office visits to the rest of California delegation were better—especially Ken Calvert’s office (I met his little dog “California”). I went to Alzheimer’s Nancy’s office, too. She still has not met with the parents of Kate Steinle.

The best visit was with Maxine “The Crazy Black Lady” Waters. My friend Chanell Temple visited her office—and her Facebook Live video went viral. I actually SPOKE with Welfare Queen Maxine! This lady knows who I am! For the next fifteen minutes, I stared down this poverty pimp in her own office. I lamb-basted her for “Impeach 45”. I mocked her to her face: “Trump can have two scoops—and two terms—if he wants to.” I liked calling out her indifference to the needs of black communities in her district, too. That really made her mad!

This batty lady had no idea what she was messing with. I slammed her for throwing me out of her Inglewood town hall in May. In an attempt to call security on me just like Rep. Brownley’s unethical staffer, Waters repeatedly pressed me to know if I had a weapon with me or if I was intending to harm her. “I just want you out of office!” I laughed in response. She is “Mad Maxine”, but she called me “nuts”, then tried to shame me in front of her legislative staffers. “I brought him in just to show you how crazy he is.” Sure, Maxine. She tried to threaten me: “I know who you are! My people in Torrance tell me all about you! You work for Putin and Bannon, you white supremacist!” Blah, blah, blah. I then corrected her: The KKK is the Democratic Party’s domestic terrorist wing. I roared with laughter, pointing at her with my Finger of Shame!

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Besides, if I wasn’t a big deal, why would The Crazy Black Lady have me in her office to begin with? For the first time in her ethically-challenged yet ineffectual career, she is running scared. And I love it! Who says you can’t change Washington? If they call the police on you or call you all manner of evil, you know that you are living in their heads rent free and Making America Great Again!

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