All They Need Is Love

Well, maybe they still need other things as well.

When Bill Ackman was in Tel Aviv, he ended his talk with a discussion of the NY school that his young daughter attends. He described a type of AI-based educational program that would make up much of her learning time. I figured that a school like the one he described costs around $50,000 a year or more. We have already learned that several universities are charging over $100,000 a year.

The president’s granddaughter, Kai Trump, has been in the news a fair amount since she spoke at the 2024 Republican Convention. I imagine that she has time to speak with Elon Musk, Scott Bessent, and certainly her mother’s boyfriend, Tiger Woods. Access to such minds and successful figures no doubt will contribute as much to her future success as will her present college studies.

The idea of the “rich getting richer” is nothing new. If a person can provide his or her child opportunities or interactions with people and ideas that are not available to everyone, does he have to say no thank you? People go to Harvard in part to have access to the professors there, many of whom are at the top of their fields. And while many from wealthy backgrounds have failed and many from hard-scrabble beginnings have risen to the top, it’s not surprising that those who are wealthy and connected use their status and access to the best to help their children get a leg up on their futures.

But what is the key factor for a child succeeding? I am sure that there are plenty of books on the subject, and one also has to define what “success” means. If a person is a top Hollywood actor but has as many ex-wives as movies made, is he successful? While one can debate what success is, I have a feeling that the one thing that a child needs more than anything else is independent of wealth or social status: love. Every child should feel loved, and the fact that a majority of black children in the US are born out of wedlock is like a golfer starting a hole in the rough. It’s not impossible to get out or even shoot an eagle from such a difficult position, but a five-foot putt would be a lot easier to make.

Israel has many idiosyncrasies, one being the time when schools start in the fall. I had a professor in Madison who told me before I left for my Fulbright Fellowship that Israel made a big mistake in making Hebrew and not English the official language. I understood him: he would go to big scientific conferences and he couldn’t understand what the Israeli researchers were saying. And while he was right in one sense and Israelis today mostly speak excellent English (though a recent political commercial that Bibi Netanyahu put out compares his flawless English to the broken version of his top competitor, Gadi Eisenkot), he did not take into account one point. The Israel project was and is an attempt to keep the Jewish people going into the future. The language is Hebrew, the holidays of the year are the Jewish holidays, and the governmental and monetary symbols often include historical Jewish imagery. Heck, the star on the flag is the “Star of [King] David”. Religious schools begin at the start of the last Jewish month before the holiday of Rosh Hashanah. State schools begin on the 1^st of September, no matter when it falls on the Jewish calendar. This year, there were about two weeks between these two starting dates, and our kids did not know what to do with their youngest boy, who would not start early. So my wife and I had the pleasure of taking care of him, playing with him, going to the park, and getting younger in the process. I realized how much this child, and every child, needs and feeds off of love. When a child feels loved, he gains the confidence to take risks, to pick himself up when he fails, and to believe that he is wanted. As Israel is a small country, a young child can be bombarded with love from parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, and a host of cousins. One doesn’t need to tell a child that he loves him, but the child feels it. Do you put down your cellphone to play with him? Do you make time to go to the park with him? One can talk about love. One can also show love.

Now I know that there is much to parenting, and some part of it does require money. Food, clothes, education, housing — just love and a toga probably aren’t going to cut it. But as we have seen with so many failed “nepo babies” and drugged-out wealthy heirs, money does not guarantee a good and successful future. I was amazed and somewhat impressed by how often, in Walter Isaacson’s biography of Steve Jobs, the Apple founder praised his adoptive parents. He said that his biological mother felt guilty about putting him up for adoption, but he assured her that he received much love. He described how his adoptive father often took him to work with him, and through him he learned the importance of details and making things absolutely right. He was loved, and having a warm and caring family allowed him to develop his skills and company. Was Jobs the nicest and most pleasant person in the world? Not by a long shot. But billions of us benefit from and enjoy the inventions that started in the same garage where his father did his work.

There are times when I see a young parent go by with a child in a stroller. The adult is on the phone, and I recall the days when our kids were young, and the cellphone had not really entered mass use. Under such conditions, we could talk to our kids during walks to and from kindergarten or into town. I can understand that today everybody is always busy all the time. Still, a child can tell when someone is really with him or just in the same physical space. I do my best with our grandkids to drop whatever I am doing and get on the floor to play with them. Recently, we had a big breakthrough with our technology, and while the kids were in the pool and playing around, I couldn’t spend a minute with them. That happens. But when one has the chance to be with the youngins, he should do his all to really be with them. I can’t claim that children who were not loved in their youth never succeed. But if one wants to give his or her child the best shot at success, it starts with a loving and nurturing home. There are no two fathers or two mothers for a child. And while there may be a doting aunt and a favorite family friend, generally it is the parents who are a child’s most important supporters and cheerleaders in life.

Yes, children need food, clothing, education, and none of it comes cheap. But if you were to ask me what is the key factor for possible future success, I would say the size of the smiles the parents show when they see their child come home after school. Love is not dependent on income level, and every child needs to feel loved by those closest to him or her. Everything else may be important but secondary. Love brings confidence that allows for confidently facing the future. That is something that cannot be replaced by AI or expensive clothing or high-end vacations. I am grateful for the parents I had and all they sacrificed for my future.

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