Rich Galen

I haven't got a clue what happened or didn't happen while Herman Cain was CEO of the National Restaurant Association. There appear to be fewer than a dozen people -- the two women and their lawyers, the general counsel and whoever produced the paperwork at the association, the people who wrote and signed the checks, and Herman Cain -- who do know, and as of this writing none of them are talking. So, let's put aside what, if anything, Cain did wrong.

But, I do know a lot about Combat Campaign Communications.

There is a saying in Washington: It's not the crime; it's the cover up. Even if there is no crime, shifting explanations make it look like the accused is putting up a smokescreen. The media will always gravitate to the conclusion that where there's smoke...

The first mistake the Cain campaign made was responding to the original story on the website at shortly after 9 PM Sunday. The Twitter-verse exploded within seconds. The Associated Press referred to the Politico story about 45 minutes later.

Rule: There is no Constitutional requirement for a campaign to respond to a reporter's request, plea, demand, or appeal for a comment.

"But, I'm on DEADLINE!" does not equal a subpoena from a U.S. Attorney.

With caller ID a big-time campaign press secretary should be able to recognize the incoming number. The NY Times' always comes up a series of 1's. If the ID is blocked assume it's a reporter and don't press the green button on your Blackberry.

Rule: If you DO answer the phone, don't issue what, since Watergate, has been defined as a "non-denial-denial." That is, attempting to be too clever by half but not actually saying "that is a lie."

It is perfectly acceptable to say "I have no idea what you're talking about. I'll call you in the morning." Then, pretend the reporter is like your date from the night before and don't call in the morning because there is also no Constitutional restriction forbidding lying to a reporter. Or your date.

If there were, our parking problems in Washington, DC would be over.

Rule: While you are not returning the calls to all the reporters you lied to, ask the candidate what the hell this is all about. If he (or she) dissembles in any way, drop the campaign Blackberry and the keys to the campaign rental car; wipe the hard drive on your campaign laptop, and leave. Keep the campaign credit card. You'll need it to buy the plane ticket home.

You can cut it up on a YouTube video and mail back the pieces. It may get you a spot on the Bill Maher show.

Rich Galen

Rich Galen has been a press secretary to Dan Quayle and Newt Gingrich. Rich Galen currently works as a journalist and writes at