You probably won't believe this, but I aim to help Hillary Clinton fulfill her destiny and rule the world.
But the thing is, she has a problem.
You wouldn't know it from reading or watching the news. That's because in most newsrooms across America -- and perhaps even in some place called "real life" -- the inevitability of Hillary Clinton as president is a given.
Yet even as the great tide of her inevitability swells and rises to 2016, there is an issue. Sadly, it remains hidden to most of her champions, since they're blind to her faults. But it's out there.
And I'm asking you to open your eyes to see the problem, so you can help me help Hillary.
What is this problem?
Call it the Bill Problem, or the Creepo Index, or the Randy Spouse in the Henhouse Conundrum.
I'd rather simply call it the First Laddie Issue. And we must confront it without a moment's delay.
Call me facetious, and damn me as an unrepentant Clinton hater, and even bring up my old columns as evidence of my sins.
Or put me on a fence post like that turtle Hillary talked about in that strange period when she spoke with a Southern accent. I don't really care.
Do your worst.
But either way, this problem of Hillary's won't go away no matter how many times the Clintonistas raise the torch of feminism.
The Clintonistas are experts at bringing up the old war-on-women thing, and they're good at blaming the old men-just-don't-get-it crowd.
But if Hillary is elected president, then former President Bill Clinton will be the first spouse, or First Laddie. And therein lies the rub.
A few weeks ago, Sen. Rand Paul seemed to share my sympathy with Hillary's First Laddie problem. But while the Kentucky Republican's critique has been scoffed at, mocked and ridiculed by some of the more tribal Clintonistas, it has yet to be dismissed.
"The Democrats, one of their big issues is they have concocted and said Republicans are committing a war on women," Paul said on NBC's "Meet the Press." "One of the workplace laws and rules that I think are good is that bosses shouldn't prey on young interns in their office. And I think really the media seems to have given President Clinton a pass on this. He took advantage of a girl that was 20 years old and an intern in his office. There is no excuse for that, and that is predatory behavior, and it should be something we shouldn't want to associate with people who would take advantage of a young girl in his office.
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