20) Michael Jackson Dies: A weird reclusive pop star who was way, way, way too interested in young boys kicked the bucket under strange circumstances. Despite the fact that his last concert tour was in 1996, people went crazy.
19) The Tiger Woods Affairs: The words "I'd hit it like Tiger Woods" took on an entirely new meaning after the world found out he cheated on his wife with over a dozen mistresses.
18) Barack Obama Wins a Peace Prize for Nothing: Obama was given a Peace Prize not because he earned it, but because the Nobel Committee thought he was such a wonderful fellow with great potential. In other news, look for Barack Obama to be given the Heisman Trophy and preemptively declared the new Ultimate Fighting Champion based on what he may do next year.
17) AIG bonuses: Congress and the Treasury Department were aware AIG was getting hundreds of millions of dollars in bonuses despite receiving 170 billion in bailout funds, but when the public found out, everyone pretended to be shocked, shocked I tell you, that these bonuses were being paid out.
16) Swine Flu: Swine flu is just like regular flu, except it sounds much cooler to say you had Swine Flu...oh, and there's a chance it could mutate and kill tens of millions of people.
15) Sarah Palin Quits as Governor of Alaska: Sarahcuda got tired of putting her family behind the 8-ball to fend off frivolous ethics charges and decided to hammer the Democratic Party and make millions writing a book instead.
14) The Fort Hood Shooting: Despite having done almost everything short of running a blog called "I Am Going To Murder Soldiers in the Name of Allah," Army Major Nidal Malik Hasan was given a pass for his violent, radical Islamic beliefs. As a result of the military's politically correct refusal to deal with Hasan, 13 soldiers were shot to death at Ford Hood.
Newsbusted: Planned Parenthood, Cecil the Lion, Hillary Clinton, Jim Gilmore, Christ Mathews, Debbie Wasserman Shultz