Doug Giles

If one wants to look to someone superior and follow him or her as to what or what not to grub, then I think we should not look to anyone currently schlepping the third rock from the sun; especially the freaks at PETA.

I know for me and my casa, instead of eying a Hollywood skank’s food choice, we’re going to look to God’s special son and what he dined on for our life’s culinary glide path. Call us crazy.

Which brings me to this enquiry: What did Jesus grub on when he donned an earth suit 2000 years ago? Boy, that sure would be interesting to find out, eh?

When it comes to talking about someone being superior in the purest/ultimate sense of the word, well … Jesus leaves us all in the dust, right? Seeing that he never sinned in word or deed, which includes what he ate and drank, I wonder what he banqueted on when he sat down at Denny’s way back in the day?

Did he order barbecued aubergine on lentil polenta patties with a black bean sauce? Or was it a “Best in Class” Tomato Tart? I know, it was Chinese tea eggs with a noodle salad. Dee-Lish! No, wait. It had to be the sassy and crunchy Red Lentil Kofte.

How can we ever know what he masticated upon? Oh, wait. Maybe the Bible documented what he ate? Let us now turn to the holy text to see shall we?

According to the New Testament, we know Jesus definitely dug on fish because huge chunks of the Gospel are taken up with him both eating and supernaturally aiding and abetting the mass slaughter of thousands of fish (see Lk.5:1-10; Mk.6:35-44; Jn.6:1-14).

Matter of fact, in John’s recounting of the proliferation of fish fillets that act equated a divine attestation to those lucky enough to watch that phenomenon go down. Indeed, that little ditty equated to that audience that Jesus was no normal Nazarene. They sure as heck didn’t see it as a sin. Oh, no. On the contrary, they saw that paranormal provision of meat as proof that Jesus was sent from Jehovah. Boom.

I know, some folks are probably thinking, “Okay, smart-ass. Jesus enabled his disciples to slay and eat fish. Big whoop. A lot of vegetarians are cool with eating fish. However, the referenced passages said squat about Jesus eating actual meat, meat.”

You’re right. You got me. It said fish and not beef. I’m so busted.

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.