I’m a rabid heterosexual. There, I said it. I’m outing myself. I know it’s not cool in this gay day to like the opposite sex. And I’m sure there will be those reflexively irate gays who will call me latent. As far as I can tell, however, I’m straight and wholeheartedly love the fact that God blessed us boys with girls. Yep, good job with the girlies, God, and muchas gracias, Señor Yahweh, for creating the chicas bonitas. In the immortal words of Borat, “I like. Very nice.” Call me weird.
As far as I am concerned, the lovely lady lumps, in all their shapes and sizes, trump a dude any old day. Yep, I guess I didn’t get the “gay gene.” (By the way, the only gay genes that I know of are the ones Versace makes.)
So … don’t ever look for me to switch teams, as I am completely and giddily content—yea, even prideful—about my heterosexuality.
Having said that, I don’t think it’s proper for me or other heterosexuals to push the following on children in the public school system:
• Sexually explicit heterosexual cartoons,
• Pornographic heterosexual kiddie books,
• Freaky heterosexual sex kits,
• Stories about heterosexual rape,
• Or directories for straight teens regarding where to hook up with old, straight creepers (hello!)
I, personally, would like all children everywhere to forego hearing about foreplay, penchants and peccadilloes until they at least hit 18-months old. Geez, people. Why can’t we let the kids just ride their bikes and pick their noses without trying to turn them into Jenna Jameson or Ron Jeremy before they get their braces off?
Which leads me, the heterosexual, to ask you, the homosexuals out there, this question: Do you have any problem whatsoever with the gay “Safe Schools” Czar Kevin Jennings and his now well-known, beyond bizarre reading list from hell for American kids? I know I do. I can’t even read what is in these books out loud on my show because the FCC will come over to my studio and cut my mic off.
What the heck is wrong with Kevin Jennings and GLSEN? Why do he and his rabid gay group insist on the overt and perverse homosexualization of K-12ers? That’s pretty jacked up, if you ask me. And not only is it jacked up to little old heterosexual me but to some homosexuals as well.