Doug Giles

For someone in Obama’s cabinet to warn the nation about decent God and country loving people as being “extreme” is like Rosie criticizing chunky and obnoxious middle-aged white lesbian comics for being unfunny.

Behold, the Audacity of Irony. Or hypocrisy. Both work for me. You choose.

Uh, hello, Ms. Napolitano, you work for the Czar of the Extreme, Barack Hussein Obama.

By the way, what’s up with all this Czar crap? What’s next, leopard skin fezzes? Eye patches? Geez, we have more czars in Barack’s Bizarroland administration than Russia had during the entire Romanov Dynasty. We’re not Russians yet, so can your Cabinut dial the hizzle down with the russkie rhetoric? We’re all still trying to learn Tex-Mex since we’ve been invaded. Quit complicating things. One frickin’ language at a time, por favor.

First of all—and I know my conservative buddies are going to think I’ve moved to Wussville—I frankly don’t believe Napolitano is concerned about extremism at all. Think about it. If she was that ramped up about extremism you would think she’d do something about that radical haircut of hers. Soften it up there, sister. Just because you’re a big Taylor Hicks fan doesn’t mean you have to run with his ‘do every time you visit SuperCuts.

I’m sure just for that quip I’ll have black helicopters buzzing around my house with dudes descending from rappelling ropes in ninja outfits with night vision goggles, doing somersaults on my roof and then jumping through the skylights to whisk me away to some undisclosed location where I’ll be waterboarded (or worse yet forced to watch a video loop of Pelosi singing “Like a Virgin”) ‘til I snap and drink the Hussein Koolaid. Pray for me. If I disappear, please tell my wife and kids I love them.

Let’s see, according to the Whitehouse’s Wizards of Obfuscation, who are the terror threats America needs to be on the lookout for? Is it anti-American douches like Bill Ayers and Reverend Wright? Nope. Is it G20esque smelly-as-a-goat-scrotum eco freaks? Wrong again. Is it Muslim radicals who are sprinkled about our country in both covert sleeper cells and plain as hell death camps? Quit being silly, that’s so yesterday. I know, I know, our cultural Dennis the Menaces are the drug cartels and their rabble that are pouring through our southern borders and kidnapping our kids? No, you lunatic, Pepe ain’t the problem. Quit being so judgmental. Hey-Soos said, “Thou shalt not judge.”

Doug Giles

Doug Giles is the Big Dawg at and the Co-Owner of The Safari Cigar Company. Follow him onFacebook and Twitter. And check out his new book, Rise, Kill and Eat: A Theology of Hunting from Genesis to Revelation.