Burt Prelutsky

There are times, I must confess, when I consider our current culture and conclude that the Muslims are right about us. We are, as they insist, hedonistic, and far too many of us do have the morals of goats. We do rely on sex and violence for our entertainment. Our popular music is swinish. We are, by a wide margin, the world’s largest market for drugs, both of the legal and illegal variety. Our politicians are selfish, ignorant and, more often than not, at odds with the American ideals of the Founding Fathers. Leaders of both major parties are wont to turn a blind eye to foreigners who ignore our sovereignty for no other reason than that they hope to garner Latino votes in future elections. Worst of all, they regularly engage in race and class warfare out of strictly partisan motives.

We elect a new president who, for all we know, doesn’t even meet the few Constitutional qualifications of the office. We stand idly by while he bankrupts us and future generations, nationalizes major industries, and nominates a person for the Supreme Court who has gone on the record stating that the judicial branch of government creates policy and that her race and gender automatically makes her a better judge than most other Americans. “Stick that in your pipe and smoke it!” would apparently be Judge Sotomayor’s response to Martin Luther King’s fervent wish that Americans be judged by our character, not our color.

All of that being said, we are still better than Islamics. Our women have the same rights and privileges as men, even if they tend to use them as unwisely as men. We do not stone adulterers. We do not kill Christians and Jews, but when, occasionally, one of us does, he doesn’t get to justify it by saying he was just doing God’s work.

We do not blow ourselves up in our insane desire to kill other people who don’t happen to do their praying in mosques. We do not call suicide bombers martyrs and send $25,000 checks to their mothers; instead, we call them lunatics and villains, and we send their mothers our condolences.