It was 13 years ago that O.J. Simpson was acquitted in the stabbing murders of his wife, Nicole, and waiter Ron Goldman, two grizzly deaths for which he was most certainly responsible.
On Dec. 5, Simpson was sentenced to at least nine years in a Nevada prison for a Las Vegas robbery attempt of what he claimed was his own sports memorabilia.
We live in a crazy world, and the shamelessness never ends for Simpson: On the same day he was sentenced, Xtreme Entertainment Group (XEG) announced they would be selling a new comedy DVD starring Simpson called "Juiced!"
It's one of those stories (or press releases) that you want to keep thinking is a horrible joke, but the video is for sale on the Internet. Rolling Stone reports Simpson is performing in his first-ever "gangsta rap" video entitled "Get Juiced," complete with inane lyrics like "Don't you know there's no stopping the Juice/When I'm on the floor I'm like a lion on the loose/Better shoot me with a tranquilizer dart/Don't be stupid, I'm not a Simpson named Bart."
Obviously Simpson is no longer on the loose. But his "comedy" video bottom-feeders remain at large, and are accepting Visa, MasterCard, Discover and American Express.
XEG's press release boasts Simpson plays a gangsta rapper "holding ruthless auditions for his new hit song 'Get Juiced' at a sex-crazed strip club." They dangle the final edit of "this controversial, hard-hitting and powerful rap" with "DJ Juice" surrounded by half-naked burlesque dancers as the reward for buying the Special Deluxe Edition "Juiced" DVD. The website shows gyrating women with "Censored" across their private parts.
The bad taste knows no bounds for XEG and Simpson, as they play his infamy for giggles and lamely ape MTV's "Candid Camera" update called "Punk'd." In one skit, O.J. plays "an unctuous used car salesman trying to peddle an infamous white Bronco with an 'authentic' bullet hole touting the vehicle's 'escapability' feature to prospective buyers." He promises there are "no bodies" inside.
Can Simpson's violence be played for laughs? XEG thinks so: "Witness O.J. Simpson caught 'cheating' with another man's fiancee in a seedy motel before a confrontation ensues, resulting in a heart-pounding domestic disturbance that will leave you breathless!" They also promise "we see O.J. and a nine-iron dealing with the paparazzi during an extraordinary golf game." They suggested the photographer is "almost decapitated." Ring a bell?
If that doesn't exactly sound like promising comedy, imagine O.J. Simpson arriving at your door as the pizza delivery guy, "with your half-eaten order -- who then tries to steal your change." If he's arriving with two thugs holding guns, then it's way too close to reality.