Author’s Note: The following is a very brief excerpt from Dr. Adams’ new book, “Feminists Say the Darnedest Things.” If you don’t like it, you are probably a feminist. If you do like it but think it’s too short, stop whining like a feminist and buy the whole book! It arrives in bookstores all across America today!

Hello Dr. Ellerby:

I am writing today with a request. Several years ago, you were a leader in an organized feminist effort to stop the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders from visiting the campus of UNC-Wilmington. As I understand it, campus feminists were offended by the initial invitation of the busty Cowgirls because they felt that these underdressed ladies projected a chauvinistic view of what a woman should look like.

During the Cowgirl controversy, some feminists even expressed the view that exposing college women to scantily clad, thin, and busty women would cause a campus-wide epidemic of eating disorders. But by blocking the appearance of the Cowgirls you seem to have saved the day. I’ve seen little evidence in recent years of anorexia or bulimia at UNCW. Congratulations on a hard fought victory.

Campus feminists may also have helped to control eating disorders via their sponsorship of “Body Image Awareness” seminars and annual pageants featuring obese models. I attended one of these pageants and I admire your vision. I know that convincing people that “fat is in” – as opposed to the idea that “thin is in” – is going to be a long and arduous task. I must say that I also admire your patience.

But, recently, while I was strolling around campus, I saw something that bothered me. There were posters hanging all around UNCW that feature a naked man standing up and facing away from the camera. His hands were folded behind him but not in such a way as to fully cover his naked buttocks.

It isn’t just his nakedness that bothers me. I am also bothered by the fact that he’s so skinny. And, worse than that, the posters of the naked man were adorned with the words “Gender Arts Festival: Sponsored by the Women’s Resource Center.”

Since you, Dr. Ellerby, are one of the founders of the WRC, I was hoping you could join me in the fight to remove these unseemly posters from our campus. I fear that if we do not act soon, there may be an outbreak of anorexia among the male student population at UNCW.

Please give the matter your serious consideration. And, please, get back to me at your earliest convenience.

Update: Dr. Adams is still waiting to hear back from Dr. Ellerby. He’s also waiting for Haley’s Comet to make a surprise appearance.