The recent rise in Somali piracy confuses me. It confuses me because I cannot imagine entering waters near the coast of Africa without enough firepower to arm a small third-world nation. It confuses me as much as that home security commercial that features a burglar breaking into the home of a married couple. You know the one where the wife gets a call from another man at security headquarters who promises to send someone to help. Meanwhile the husband locks himself in a closet and hopes for the best.

When that husband eventually comes out of the closet he might as well have his genitals surgically removed. When his wife realizes he can’t defend her against an intruder she probably isn’t going to risk the possibility of procreation. Some genes just weren’t meant to survive.

I understand the media’s need to produce new heroes in an age of rampant metro-sexuality. I also understand that Captain Phillips’ intentions were good – after all, he was on a charitable mission. But he had no business endangering a crew of twenty by placing them in harms way without sufficient firepower. The image of these men locking themselves in a cabin to avoid the Somali pirates is simply embarrassing.

There are a couple of rules anyone must follow when venturing into potentially dangerous waters – and by “potentially dangerous waters” I mean anything but a small lake or pond. First, it is a good idea to bring a few friends. Second, it is a good idea to require every adult on board to remain sober and bring a firearm.

I don’t fish as often as I did in the Texas Gulf Coast in the 1970s. But I do get an occasional invite to go deep sea fishing off the Carolina coast with three good friends. Two of these friends work in a national security capacity for the federal government (please pardon the pseudonyms). So it should go without saying that we have the hardware and skills to defeat a small (or large) band of pirates whenever we venture into the Atlantic Ocean. We don’t have any evidence of piracy off the Carolina coast. But we all subscribe to the belief that it is better to have a gun and not need one than to need a gun and not have one. Continued...