Barack Obama: Don't get me started. There just isn't enough time in the day.

The King: Burger King's mascot is creepy and it's slightly disturbing that he's associated with food products. That's exactly whom you want preparing your food, isn't it? An eerie guy in a mask who never speaks?

The airlines: Security is a hassle, customer service is mediocre, they're too careless with luggage, it takes too long to get through an airport, and flying is too expensive. No wonder people are less excited about getting on an airplane than getting a root canal.

Lawyers: America's legal profession is over run with amoral, ambulance-chasing shysters who have nothing better to do than to try to make millions of dollars looting productive people and companies.

"Oh, but John, you wouldn't say something like that if you needed a lawyer right now!"

Should they be thanked for setting up that kind of system? It's like a dog being forced to hire a tick to defend itself from the other ticks on its back trying to suck its blood.

Global Warming Nuts: Just because you shout "science" a dozen times and have managed to politically intimidate a large percentage of the scientific world that disagrees with you into silence, doesn't mean you have the slightest idea what you're talking about.

America's newspapers: Never has there been a group of people more dishonest about their biases, more contemptuous of their audience, and more falsely convinced of their own irreplaceability than America's newspapermen. Meanwhile, the whole industry is dying a slow death and their primary reaction has been to wonder why no one seems very upset about their demise.