You’re an elitist if you worship John F. Kennedy.

You’re an elitist if you’re excited at the prospect of government intervention in the banking system in the aftermath of the subprime meltdown.

You’re an elitist if you think Nixon/Reagan/Bush was the nation’s worst president but Jimmy Carter is the nation’s best ex-president.

You’re an elitist if you hate Whittaker Chambers but love Arthur Miller.

You’re an elitist if you believe Jon Stewart is non-partisan, but Fox News is an outlet for the Republican National Committee.

You’re an elitist if you don’t mind Sarah Silverman’s language but can’t stand James Dobson’s.

You’re an elitist if you worry what the Europeans think of us.

You’re an elitist if you think public school teachers are qualified to inform your children about sex, but parents aren’t qualified to teach their children basic math.

You’re an elitist if you think the government should manage the health care system even though it can’t manage to keep the tax code within a 10,000 page limit.

You’re an elitist if you think transgenders ought to have their own bathrooms for privacy reasons, but public distribution of pornography is fine.

You’re an elitist if you think that pro-life folks are fascists unmotivated by true sympathy for the unborn.

You’re an elitist if you know what arugula is but don’t know who Jimmie Johnson is.

You’re an elitist if your name is Barack Obama. Chances are that you’re an elitist if you support him and you aren’t being hired by ACORN to do so, too.