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Thursday, July 24, 2008
Andrew Tallman :: Townhall.com Columnist
To Conservatives in a Pro-Gay Culture
by Andrew Tallman
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Winning is nice, but relationships matter more than winning. Fortunately, the best way to have a chance of winning is by cultivating relationships and the influence that comes with them. Real relationships require honesty, vulnerability, and the sort of respect which realizes that friendship cannot be conditional upon the universal acquiescence of the other person to my values. This principle obviously goes both ways.

Example of applying these principles.

“I have something really important I want to talk about with you, but I’m worried that it’s going to offend you. If that happens, I’m very sorry, but do you want me to be honest with you, even if you might get angry?”

“Of course, what is it?”

“First, I want you to know how much I care about you, and that’s why it makes me really uncomfortable that we have to have a discussion about gay issues at all. But here’s what you don’t realize about me. Honestly, gay sex grosses me out. But it’s more serious than just that. I am a deeply religious person, and my religious tradition strongly disapproves of this behavior. Yet recently I feel like my religious beliefs are being attacked and I’m being pressured to hide them from you.

I feel like I can’t be honest about who I am because of the hostility I feel from others for what I believe. And because I’m worried that saying all of this might jeopardize our friendship or even cost me my job, I’m very reluctant to be honest even with you about who I am. If this fear of being scared to express my real identity is what you’ve experienced for your sexual orientation, then I’m so very sorry you’ve had to suffer such an awful thing.

But I’m telling you this because I hope that you’re willing to respect my beliefs just like you want me to respect yours. The only way for us to have a meaningful relationship is if we can be truly open and honest with each other, especially when we disagree, and I want that more than anything. I hope you’re willing to accept me while knowing what I believe just like I’m willing to accept you while knowing what you do.”

Final Note

This may not always work. But using these principles puts you in the best position to succeed, with one caveat. You must be sincere in your use of them. If you exaggerate for effect, you will be a liar, and it will probably won’t work for you anyway. Remember, only the truly strong can afford to appear weak.

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About The Author

Andrew Tallman is host of The Andrew Tallman Show on AM 1360 KPXQ from 5-7PM weekdays in Phoenix, AZ.

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(134 comments so Far)
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Reply # 1
Date: Jul 28, 2008 - 12:33 PM EST
set asides
Many other minorities and women have had to endure changing standards and set asides for inferior status.
This is what this is really about. Rationalizing that status, without having the justification for it.

A moral person would also be mindful of this legacy against other groups, and not engage in it. Gay people deal with this because of what they ARE, not just actually engaging in sex. Myths, misinformation inform the prejudice, not what gay people actually do or feel.
No one cares to listen to what gay people know and care about.
Denial of a gay person's orientation is just the first salvo. Hyperbole is the next, contradiction the next and improbables the next.
To have a life free of such confrontations would be refreshing.
What heterosexuals tell THEMSELVES and tell gay people ABOUT gay people boggles the mind to the point of farce.
But it's not funny. Eight grade gay children get murdered for it.
So gay people are not a problem to you, as you've been taught. But you have been taught to make problems for gay people...and to what end?
Forcing an inferior status on someone is very different from them actually being inferior.
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Reply # 2
Date: Jul 28, 2008 - 12:26 PM EST
It's not about feelings..
I know how it feels to justify an existence that's something of a mystery...but the dominant culture gives no opportunity to speak for yourself, prove yourself or engage realistically and respectfully what you know about yourself.

The dominant heterosexual culture has no lock on morality, just numbers. With obviously so much more to learn about gay people, excluding gay people and then making up how a gay person would react or affect our society is stupendous arrogance.
It's dangerous. Nothing positive has come from such treatment. But, positive outcomes have where a pro gay culture has germinated.
Given time, things do settle into a reasonable and mutually supportive situation.
But such things come when the field is level, gay people are still confronted and confounded with contradictions in terms and impossible, moving standards NO ONE could overcome or has to.

Starting with the inconsiderate line of calling homosexuality a choice and a lifestyle, when it isn't. Insisting on it, to the face of someone gay is rude and insulting.

YOU wouldn't like it, so don't YOU do it. A truly moral person would be mindful to treat a person the way they'd want to be treated. And that word, 'lifestyle' is already a violation of that simple and forthright directive.
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