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Union Pub's Tomato Soup Was More Captivating Than the Impeachment Circus

One would think the allure of drink specials such as "I Got 99 Problems But Impeachment Ain't One" at Washington, D.C.'s legendary Union Pub would be enough to get people interested in Rep. Adam Schiff's circus to remove a duly elected president. One would be wrong. On behalf of Townhall VIP, I attended Union Pub on Wednesday. It was a ghost town. Undoubtedly, the most intriguing aspect of the bar was Union Pub's apparently good tomato soup.

As I entered UP at 10:00 am, stale beer wafted up from the floorboards amidst Florida State sports memorabilia. Rep. Schiff's face and nasally voice were plastered on every TV screen.

One look at that ugly mug and I knew I needed to get a strong beverage to make it through the day. Faced with either continuing my Keto diet or indulging in a sugary beverage, I chose the sweet libation. The blend of peach vodka, peach schnapps, orange juice, Sprite, and lemon from the "I Got 99 Problems but Impeachment Ain't One" cocktail was almost enough to drown out the nonsense of the Democrats' sham circus. It just gave me a headache.

It was only 10:25 am at this point, and much to my surprise, it seemed that the denizens of D.C. actually do work sometimes. Nobody was showing up. I sat by myself, alone, drinking a cocktail while other reporters took my picture. I felt like a loser, but not as big of a loser as the Democrats hoping that Trump will be removed from office.

The witness George Kent's bowtie made me long for a Mai Tai, but I had to keep my wits about me. Nobody else was drinking, so I slowly sipped my drink and observed the room.

Every other table was either ordering or eating tomato soup. One table, featuring a pair of Ukrainian journalists, was devouring both the tomato soup and drinking coffee. It was fascinating. How on earth could they both eat and drink such a hot beverage and meal at the same time? It left me bewildered, but to be honest, I didn't care enough to chat with them.

A man and a woman came in. Yes! They looked like somebody I could interview. Upon ordering, the man, who sounded exactly like Mike Wazowski from Disney's "Monsters Inc.," inquired whether or not he could have his grilled cheese as a "ham and grilled cheese," if not, he was fine with the regular sandwich. The woman ordered the same thing.

And guess what, they had tomato soup as well. In fact, it seemed as if everybody had this soup. I surveyed the room, and there were now four tables with each person eating soup. It was so tempting; I almost bought a bowl myself. 

Another guy with a camera and microphone came in and joined the man and woman. More journalists. "Darn," I thought to myself.

Two girls in their twenties came in doing their best Christie Brinkley impression. Another reporter with a camera asked if they wanted to be interviewed. They both said no, they could not be on camera because they were technically working. After ordering their Bloody Mary's (not tomato soup, but close enough), they whipped out their impeachment bingo. I sighed, got my check, and promptly left to get a breakfast sandwich from another place.

Overall, the entire scene was pretty emblematic of D.C. media and politics at large. All it was were reporters taking pictures of other reporters who were watching elected politicians on TV and insisting the American people give a darn about this crap. The tomato soup had more appeal than the hearing.


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