The Apathetic but Freedom-Loving American's Guide to the World Cup

Posted: Jun 16, 2010 1:54 PM
Do you not particularly care about soccer other than global geopolitics? Upset with others acting morally superior over you for not paying attention to the "beautiful game" of "football?" Fear not! I've got just the compromise for you.

Australia, the freedom team

Just root for the team from the country ranked higher in the Heritage Foundation's Index of Economic Freedom! That way, when you're torn because you really couldn't care less who wins a seemingly-meaningless contest between Spain and Switzerland, you can just look up which country loves freedom more! (Answer: Switzerland. And they won, in a stunning upset and a victory for freedom everywhere.)

Here are the World Cup teams ranked in the top 10 most free, in order: Australia, New Zealand, Switzerland, United States, Denmark, Chile.

And here are the five least-free teams: North Korea, Argentina, Cameroon, Ivory Coast and Brazil.

Now admittedly, freedom seems to have an uphill climb, with soccer powerhouses like Brazil and Argentina as two of the least-free nations in the tournament. But rooting for freedom has never been a frontrunning pasttime. Chin up, freedom-lovers. At least now, if you want to pretend to care about the World Cup, you can rationalize it.

This afternoon's match is South Africa (freedom rank: 72) vs. Uruguay (freedom rank: 33). Now you know who to cheer for!

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