Get ready to blow a fuse on the popcorn machine. The U.S. State Department is playing WikiLeaks with the emails of former U.S. Secretary of State Hillary Clinton, who serves as co-president of the Republic of Clintonstan and also happens to be running for the U.S. presidency.
The emails come from the Republic of Clintonstan's home server, which Clinton said was being protected by the Secret Service, thanks to the Clintonstan security agreement with the United States of America during the period in question. Perhaps this wasn't the best move on the part of the Clintonstanis, since the Secret Service has been plagued by a string of security failures that led to the resignation of its director, Julia Pierson, last fall. Couldn't the Clintonstanis get private security for their private server to go with their private intelligence operatives?
Still, one could argue that Clintonstan state security is better than America's. We keep hearing about the State Department's servers being hacked by foreign entities, including a well-publicized hack late last year that officials attributed to Russia. I wouldn't keep my grocery list on State Department servers at this point.
In March, Clinton said that she didn't keep any classified information on the Clintonstan servers. I think we should make sure of that. For example, let's get a look at the gigantic block of text that was redacted by the State Department under the Freedom of Information Act in a June 20, 2010, email from Clinton's deputy chief of staff, Jacob Sullivan, to Clinton and top aide Huma Abedin entitled "Lavrov" -- as in Russian Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov. Not classified, huh? Did someone accidentally spill a bottle of white-out correction fluid all over this one, as well as all over Clinton's response? "Can you run the traps ..." is all we get to see of it. The late New York Times columnist William Safire defined the political slang phrase "run the traps" in a 1987 column as meaning "survey those in the know."
Oh, spill it, sister. What exactly did you find in your trawl? After all, it's not classified, right?
Speaking of those in the know, much of the Clintonstan intelligence apparatus seems to consist of published newspaper analyses, non-governmental organizations and private intelligence operatives. There's little indication that the Republic of Clintonstan had much use for the CIA or any other multibillion-dollar U.S. agencies. Instead, longtime Clintonstan operative Sidney Blumenthal was cranking out actionable intelligence reports. One from 2010 that really puts the "class" in "classified" included an armchair psychoanalysis of Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu: "The father, Benzion Netanyahu; 100 years old ... adored his son Yoni, heroically killed (in Operation Entebbe, a 1976 hostage-rescue mission in Uganda). Benyamin has never measured up. ... Bibi desperately seeks his father's approbation and can never equal his dead brother."
Another Blumenthal memo from 2010 recounted a dinner with former German Vice Chancellor Joschka Fischer: "Fischer points out that if Iran develops nuclear weaponry the Saudis already have their own bomb. The Saudis invested in Pakistan's nuclear weaponry partly for this eventuality; that's their bomb in reserve."
That observation renders virtually moot all the handwringing over Iran someday developing a nuclear weapon -- meaning that the Clintonstanis were about five years ahead of the curve on the bottom line of the Iran nuke deal.
Some other interesting tidbits from the Clintonstan email dump ...
-- Cherie Blair, wife of former British Prime Minister Tony Blair, seems to enjoy playing global matchmaker for the Republic of Clintonstan.
"As you know, I have good links to the Qataris," Blair wrote to Clinton in a 2010 email. "Sheikha Mosah's son is the 31/32 year old Crown Prince and she is keen that he starts to build up an international profile ... Is a meeting possible?"
Oh yes, we're aware of your good links with the Qataris, Mrs. Blair. The Qatar Investment Authority bought famed London department store Harrods in 2010, and it owns significant stakes in the London Stock Exchange and Barclays bank. Qatar provides roughly 85 percent of Britain's liquefied natural gas imports.
Of course Mrs. Blair didn't address this with Clinton. Instead, she was more interested in the fact that the Qatari crown prince is "more flexible on place and times than his mother!" Four years later, Tony Blair's successor, British Prime Minister David Cameron, challenged that same crown prince -- now the emir of Qatar -- to stop funding the Islamic State.
-- Clinton likes cheat sheets for phone calls, instructing Abedin: "Pls send me call sheet for (the Ecuadorian call) - I don't have a clue!"
-- In a 2010 email with the subject line "Law of the Seas," Clinton asks an aide, "Can you tell me if China has signed this treaty?" Why yes, it did -- in 1996. Perhaps Google search is blocked in Clintonstan.
The State Department's email dump is the National Enquirer, the Kardashians and Edward Snowden all rolled into one. The Republic of Clintonstan doesn't need a seat in the Oval Office -- it needs a reality TV show.